Dreams of Doctors
by Nika Dixon
Summary: Trapped in a strange world with no means of escape, Ronon needs to solve the puzzle that is Jennifer before it is too late for them both. R/K. Angst/drama/suspense/romance. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

_Thanks to **Flowerfairy**, GLENN (the Giant Lop Ears of North Nagook - otherwise known as the evil plot bunnies) has attacked me with this little tale and I couldn't fight them off any longer. So... while I work on finishing my other story, I've found myself having to let this one loose! So sit up, put your trays in their upright and locked position, and join us for the flight. And yes, in my world, Ronon is only ever going to be with Jennifer. :P Whether he knows it yet or not. :)_ ** - Nika**

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"No, really… I mean… I don't mean to be rude… but I… I should probably keep… yes, yes… I understand its been in your village for generations… but… I just need to finish… no really, I shouldn't…"

As Ronon listened to Jennifer's rambling attempts at a refusal from somewhere behind him, he turned away from the rear compartment of the jumper, where the last of the supplies were being loaded up.

He'd come with Major Buchannan's team to help ferry a load of supplies between the village and Atlantis.

Or so he kept telling himself.

But, as he moved through the last few crates of foodstuffs towards the bobbing blond ponytail as it snapped back and forth between the smiling Magistrate and his wife, Ronon found fault with his own argument, a little voice niggling inside his head that he'd volunteered because he'd found out she was going, not because he wanted to help lift crates of root vegetables and leafy produce.

And yes, maybe it _was _in part because he didn't think he deserved the stunned and shocked look she'd given him with when he'd said good morning to her in the jumper bay. So what if it had been a while since he'd spoken to her? Even if it had been... well, okay, weeks - _shock_ wasn't the look he expected in return. A smile maybe. A nodded greeting. Certainly not some dismayed expression as though some part of the bulkhead had suddenly spouted a head and called her name. It wasn't his fault she'd chosen McKay. And it certainly wasn't his fault that she'd eventually broken it off with the scientist.

Ronon did have to admit he was secretly pleased she'd ended things with Rodney. To hear McKay tell it, they just didn't mesh in the end and he'd let her down easy. To hear Cadman's version – since there was no way he'd be getting Jennifer's take directly – Jennifer hadn't been very happy. Which stood closer to the truth in Ronon's mind. She'd certainly been quiet lately. Working longer hours. Taking less time to herself. Slow to smile. She'd buried herself in her lab, so much so that it was a genuine surprise to see her with the Marines as he'd crossed through the jumper bay.

He'd intended on just passing by and ignoring her fleeting glance – but his mouth somehow managed to answer Major Buchannan's question of whether or not he'd come to help out, before the coherent part of his brain had a chance to punch him in the side of the head for his idiocy.

By then it was too late. He'd already said yes.

So, instead of the solitary morning run he'd been planning on taking, he'd found himself on a twenty minute ride in the back of the jumper with a woman who's face rotated through more versions of red than he knew existed.

And after two hours of moving boxes, here he was, traipsing after that same woman, grimacing at her unheeded attempts to untangle herself from the local couple.

"Yes, I understand the sphere's are quite fascinating…" She was saying, glancing from the man to his wife and back again as she attempted to remove her upper arms from their firm grasp. "But really, I should probably stay with the group… We're almost finished…"

Nearing the small, solitary building on the outskirts of the town, which Ronon had heard referred to as the Ari – a local word for church – Jennifer and her companions were quickly joined by two young women, who smiled and urged them forward, rushing ahead to pull wide the double wooden doors. With another round of half-hearted protests, Jennifer disappeared through the entrance, flanked by the Magistrate, his wife, and the two women.

Ronon had already checked the building when they'd arrived, so he knew the inside was only one large room, open and airy, sheltering a trio of tripods, each holding a large silver globe. The inside had been dark and silent when he'd come through the first time, but as he neared the still open doors, her protests continued and he shook his head with part amusement, part resolved dismay. The damn blobs were probably explosive and she'd be the only one to stumble across the trigger and take out half the planet.

He snorted at his own joke when he stepped through the doorway, his eyes adjusting to the dim lighting of the inside. With a nod to the two women who were standing just inside, he quickly confirmed no added guests other than who he'd seen enter.

Jennifer was standing next to one of the globes, her back to him, resting her palm across the top of the large, round sphere. She glanced sideways and nodded to the Magistrate's wife. "Yes they are indeed beautiful. And the light is certainly a nice touch."

"Light?" The wife shook her head with confusion and glanced from her husband to Jennifer then around to the three globes, which were indeed now pulsing with a faint silver glow. "My! They've never done _that_ before…"

_Oh hell_. Ronon's gut kicked in with a wallop. "Jennifer." He called sharply and she let out a squeak and jumped, snapping her hand off the top of the silver ball, which was now pulsing brightly.

She spun towards him, her mouth open to speak, but her words were abruptly cut off with a scream of surprise and pain as a blinding beam of light shot from the closest orb and impacted her spine, sending her staggering to her hands and knees. Almost immediately, a second ball let loose its light, the bolt connecting with her upper torso and she cried out, straightening up, her face contorted in agony. The two beams held her convulsing body upright, pinning her in position as they surged into her body.

The two women by the door shrieked and ran out into the sunshine, while the magistrate dragged his wife into a corner, huddling against the sparking white light that now blinded the room.

With his heart in his throat Ronon dove forward, slamming into Jennifer as the third ball snapped its beam towards them. He'd barely gotten his arms around her before pain stabbed through his back, the final beam catching him between the shoulder-blades. With a guttural shout he fell forward into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Ronon opened his eyes to find himself standing in an open field, the green grass swaying tall against his hip. A cloudless blue sky arced over his head, the single sun blinding with its warmth and brightness. He could smell the faint tang of flowers, the crisp scent of fresh air as the breeze blew warm and gentle across his face.

He yanked his blaster out of it's holster and spun in a sharp circle, eying his location.

There was nothing but grass and open sky, and no one here but himself.

He shook his head sharply, _knowing_ he'd just been in a church on MX2-375 only moments before. And _knowing_ he hadn't been there alone. His heart kicked into high gear before he willed it down, needing to keep his wits about him if he was going to figure out just where the hell he was.

A soft laugh sounded behind him and he spun, shocked to see the sudden edition of a table and chairs, set in the middle of the field. But more shocking was the presence of the woman lounging in one of the two seats.

Jennifer.

Sitting back against one of the chairs, she crossed her bare legs at the ankle and watched him with amusement. Wearing white shorts and a bright pink sleeveless shirt, her skin looked tan and healthy, her eyes bright with laughter.

She looked – completely fine.

This wasn't right.

Dropping his blaster to his side he stepped forward.

She raised a glass, the red liquid sloshing slightly. "Well, come on." She urged, pointing to the two plates that suddenly appeared, both overflowing with meats and cheeses. "Food's getting cold."

"Jennifer." He grasped her hand, feeling warmth, heat, solid flesh. "Are you all right?"

She gave him a curious frown and popped a chunk of cheese into her mouth. "Of course." She snorted around the food. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"The light." He angled his head, giving her a quick once over. She looked uninjured. Sounded uninjured.

"Sunlight?" She made a face and angled her head. "You're such a worry wart. I told you I'm wearing sunblock. It's even waterproof so we can go swimming."

"Swimming?" He shook his head. What the heck was going on? Where was the church? The planet? Where were they?

"Yeah, you promised, remember?"

"Swimming." He repeated, his eyes searching hers but finding no indication of anything other than honesty. She truly thought they were going swimming?

"Yeah…" She nodded, and pointed over his shoulder. "Swimming! Remember?"

A soft splashing had him spinning around to face a wide blue lake, the water sparkling beneath the bright blue sky and sunshine. A gull cried out, soaring high overhead as he stood staring in shock at the water. Ronon could smell the sharp pinch of salt from the seawater, nearly tasting it, it was so real.

Yet he knew it wasn't.

It _couldn't_ be.

He spun around as Jennifer walked past him, her bare feet sliding in the soft brown sand. Her shorts and top were gone in place of a dark green swimming suit. She laughed as she passed, hopping across the sand towards the water, then squealing as it surged forward, lapping at her toes.

With his heart kicking in his ribs, Ronon turned his back on her, confusion and disbelief warring for control. The waist high grass was now gone amongst a sea of sand dunes. No table. No chairs. Only sand and sky behind, and an ocean in front.

"Jennifer…" He said sharply, running towards her and grabbing her upper arm. Water splashed over his boots with a cool wetness and soaked his feet. He ignored it as he turned her towards him. "We need to find a way out of here."

"Oh no…" She shook her head with a laugh, and backed away from him, wiggling her index finger sharply. "You're not getting away with it that easily, Mister _I-hate-vacations_. I… am going swimming!"

"Jennifer!" He jumped towards her and she squealed, darting into the water with a giggle.

Motion to his left had him spinning, his blaster raised then dropping as he realized his target was a small child. A young girl, standing in the water beside him. With a grunt of surprise he aimed the barrel away, but did not release his death grip on it.

Clothed in a white dress, she stood beside him, bouncing happily back and forth from toe to heel as the water slipped over her feet. A pair of white and silver clips held back her unruly blond hair in two messy clusters, the tightly curled locks blowing and bouncing with her movement and the sunny breeze. With a giggle she turned towards him and craned her neck back, smiling brightly, deep green eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Hi." She greeted him.

He blinked, spun his head back around to where Jennifer was now laughing and cavorting in the water, then back to the child, who was still grinning up at him.

"Who are you?" He asked suspiciously.

"Ellie." She answered with a knowing nod.

"Do you know where we are?"

"Yup."

He waited for her to answer, and when she didn't, prompted her with a gruff request. "Where?!"

"Where you've always been." She answered with a slight frown.

He shook his head and stepped forward, glaring down at the child. If she even was a child. If she was even _real_.

"I'm real." She nodded to his unvoiced question, her head tipped way back so she could see up to his face. "As real as you are."

"Where are we?" He repeated, fighting to control his anger.

"You're in the Ari, of course." She said, green eyes staring pointedly into his. "But you already knew that."

_The Ari. The church._ He spun to watch Jennifer in the water, his eyes taking in the sea, the sky, the sun. He could feel the heat on his face, taste the salty spray. Yet somehow… somehow he knew. He wasn't here. They weren't here. He was lying on the floor of the Ari with Jennifer. He could still feel traces of an ache in his spine… pain from the beam of light which still impaled them both.

Yet… he was here.

"Who are you?" He asked her again, hoping for more of an explanation than just her name.

"I'm the…" She tilted her head slightly, as though thinking. "I'm the _avatar_ for the Ari."

"What the hell is the Ari?" He asked, his eyes moving from the girl, to Jennifer and back again.

"The Ari is a machine." She nodded. "Built by the Ancestors."

"Why?"

"To help."

"Help what?" He interrupted her next statement.

She giggled. "You don't like to wait, do you?"

"No." He growled. "Tell me about the machine. No games."

"The machine helps people with their dreams." She said, as though he should know the answer.

"Dreams." He glanced around. The sky. The sun. The ocean. "Is that what this is?"

She nodded beside him, her hair bouncing furiously. "Yes." Then she stopped and shook her head. "Well… I think so."

"You think so." He didn't like the sound of that. He didn't like the sound of any of this.

She shrugged her tiny shoulders. "There is something wrong. The people here… the ones who visit the Ari? They changed things. It's been so long since anyone has come for a real visit." She paused and looked up at him. "Thousands of years, hasn't it?"

He nodded. If she was referring to the Ancients, then yes, it would have been a long time. But if the Ancients built it… then how did it activate? Jennifer didn't carry the ATA gene.

"She has ancient technology on her person." Ellie answered his thought.

Ronon immediately remembered the small scanner Jennifer usually carried in her jacket pocket.

"Yes." Ellie nodded. "That's the one. It's been so long since we've known the touch of our maker. Ari recognized it. Sought it out. But we have been dormant for so long… there was too much power."

Ronon thought of the blinding light and Jennifer's screams – his own pain still distantly present in his back. Too much power. Definitely.

"Yes." She agreed softly.

He eyed her warily. "You hear what I think."

"I'm in your head, too." She acknowledged. "I'm only speaking out loud…"

… _because you don't like hearing voices… _

Her soft, girlish tone lilted directly inside his mind and he shuddered. "No." He shook his head, glaring at her, wishing her out of his head. "I don't."

Ronon was surprised to see a sudden tremble in her bottom lip as she stared up at him, her green eyes welling with sadness. She shook her head quickly. "You are both hurting. But I can not turn it off."

"Can you get us out of here?"

She shook her head. "No. Not directly."

"Indirectly?"

"It is not my place. I would help… If I could." She tipped her head back and stared up at him wide-eyed. "But you can."

"How?"

"These are _her_ dreams." Ellie nodded, looking around at the blue sky and sparkling surf, turning Ronon back to the woman who was now building a castle in the wet sand a few meters away.

"Yet you are here." Ellie continued. "Ari does not allow more than one person in at a time. But you are _both_ here. Both… existing." She shrugged a tiny shoulder and smiled up at him.

"How does that help?"

"These are her dreams." Ellie repeated, and Ronon jerked with a sudden start as a clap of thunder rolled across the sky. A sky which in an instant was dark and overcast, with heavy grey clouds swirling and circling in a twisted dance.

A cool press of fingers met his and he jerked, angling his head towards the little girl who's tiny fingers tightly squeezed his index and middle finger together.

She stared into the sea and tightened her grip, pulling his eyes towards where Jennifer was now swimming across the water – water which rippled and broke in front of her like bending glass. It was crystal clear, and he stood in the middle of it as though it were a solid floor. Glancing around, Ronon could see no land, no earth, no sign of anything but the great sea.

Jennifer swam quickly, her eyes on something distant that he could not see.

"She has this one a lot lately." Ellie said softly, and Ronon glanced down at the little girl, feeling her fingers tremble against his. "I don't like it."

Ronon didn't like either the statement, or the worried undertone. He turned back towards Jennifer, swimming several feet in front of where they stood. But now the water was no longer blue… it was dark and thick… a heavy syrup. He glanced down at his boots, the ripples of her path through reaching his toes and splashing red up against the leather. A deep, dark red.

Blood.

He heard her struggles as Jennifer tried to swim across the thick, bloody syrup, fighting to keep moving. His head snapped up, watching as she moved forward, her limbs heavy. She was beginning to panic, her movements sharp and jerky.

"Jennifer!" He shouted as he moved towards her, yanking the clinging child with him. But with every step he took, Jennifer remained just as far away. "Jennifer!"

"You can't reach her." Ellie shook her head, tugging on his fingers when he was practically running. "Not this way."

"Then how?!" Ronon growled, sliding to a stop on the smoothness of the blood-watered lake, watching with horror as Jennifer disappeared beneath the surface, her head bobbing back up as she gasped for air, red liquid dripping off her skin and hair.

Jennifer gasped and sputtered, coughing against the fluid as it trickled into her open mouth. She sank a second time and Ronon shook his fingers out of the child's grasp and ran forward, but with every step Ellie just floated beside him, in the exact same spot as before, and Jennifer struggled in the syrup the same distance in front.

"Ronon." The little girl gasped beside him. "There's something wrong."

_Tell me something I don't know!_ He thought, stopping and spinning in a circle, looking desperately around for something, anything with which to help. But there was nothing but a red sea in all directions, and a stormy sky above.

"She should have changed it by now." Ellie cried, tears now flowing freely down her little cheeks as she stared at Jennifer's struggles to remain above the surface.

"Changed it how?!"

"It's _her_ _dream_!" Ellie shook her head furiously with a loud sniff. "She can change it if she wants. She _always_ wakes up by now. She _always_ moves on to the next one."

"Then wake her up!"

"I can't." Ellie burst into tears. "Ari. Ari says the failsafe is gone." She shook her head furiously. "It has been disabled. The people broke it."

"Failsafe? What failsafe?!"

"You are not allowed to die in your dreams, Ronon." Ellie nodded furiously, her tears tracing their own tracks down her cheeks, dripping off her jaw. "But Ari said it's turned off. It's turned off!" Tiny fingers gripped his tightly. "You have to help her, Ronon, please!" The child wailed.

"I don't know how!"

"This is your dream, too!" Ellie shrieked and pointed at Jennifer. "Do something!"

Ronon felt his chest constrict with hopelessness when Jennifer screamed, her mouth filling with blood as her head disappeared beneath the surface.


	3. Chapter 3

… _I need a damn boat!  
_

The minute the panicked thought completed itself, Ronon found himself sitting in a small wooden skiff, bobbing across a calm, clear lake. No longer blood red and sticky, the sea was once again just water beneath a cloudless blue sky. With a splash, a hand shot out from beneath the glassy surface and he dove for it, the boat rocking wildly as he threw his weight from one side to the other, reaching for Jennifer's outstretched fingers.

With a coughing gasp her head broke the surface as he lifted her from the sea, falling off the edge of the short bench to land in the bottom of the boat with her wet form sprawled out on top of him. Coughing and sputtering, she clutched him tightly, her fingers digging into his arms where they wrapped around her.

"You're okay. You're okay." He chanted while she caught her breath. "I've got you." He exhaled sharply and glared at the little girl who sat in the prow of the boat, grinning widely.

"I knew you could do it!" Ellie clapped and laughed. "I just knew it!"

Ronon sighed and dropped his head back with a clunk against one the wooden struts of the boat. He was a little surprised that it actually hurt. He blinked at Ellie, who just smirked.

"I _said_ the failsafes were off." The little chit happily reminded him.

Jennifer continued to cough against his chest, her body shaking as she tried to push herself up. He helped her move upright, her bare legs tangled across his as they sat in the bottom of the small boat.

"Thank you." She wheezed, turning Ronon's gaze away from the happily bobbing blond curls. Jennifer's forehead furrowed into a frown. "I don't know… what… I mean… I've swam this a hundred times… I just…" She collapsed against him, closing her eyes and burying her face against his shoulder. "How did you know?" She asked quietly.

Ronon didn't answer.

He couldn't.

He had no idea how he'd managed to do… what he'd done. To change it. Whatever _it_ was that he'd changed.

"Because you're connected." Ellie answered pointedly.

Ronon glanced from Jennifer to the child, then back again, wondering why the woman hadn't acknowledged Ellie's comments.

"She can't see me." Ellie's smile faded and she blinked at Ronon as she suddenly disappeared off the prow and reappeared on the bench beside him. "She's not ready yet."

_Great._ Ronon thought. _I'm trapped in a dream world with a morphing, invisible child, that only I can see."_

"I'm not invisible." Ellie stomped a tiny, white shoe firmly against the wooden bottom of the boat. "_You _can see me!"

"Right." Ronon closed his eyes briefly, almost adding the word _unfortunately_, but not needing to voice it when Ellie snorted unhappily.

"I _can_ hear you, you know." Ellie pouted.

"Then hear me telling you to _get us out of here_!"

"I can't." The little girl shook her head.

Ronon sighed, angling his head to look down at the woman sprawled across him, feeling real flesh across his body, the small tremble as she shuddered, the hitch as she concentrated on breathing normally.

_None of this was real?_

Yeah well, it sure as hell _felt _real.

The water was cold. She was dripping water against his front, soaking his shirt. She felt… solid inside his arms. Real. Flesh.

But it was just a dream?

He shook his head and glared at the innocently packaged green-eyed avatar. A dream. A dream that could kill them.

_Even better._

After a few deep breaths Jennifer lifted her head and straightened off of him. "I'm sorry." She made a face at something behind his shoulder. "We'd better go."

"Go?" As he turned his head, colors blurred and shifted and the sunlight disappeared, leaving him now upright, and standing in the dark. His heart skipped a beat and his stomach rolled with the sudden shift in location. He spun, searching, but Jennifer was still here – standing beside him - and the here was now one of the piers on Atlantis. She was completely dry, wearing her uniform, her hair tied back in a twisted ponytail. She turned towards him, an odd look on her face, her eyes narrowed as though trying to remember something important. But then she shook her head quickly and dismissed whatever it was that was bothering her.

"Come on." She angled her chin towards the center of the city, her tone all business. "They're here."

"Who's here?" He shook his head, hopping into his stride beside her. A quick glance around confirmed that Ellie had once again disappeared.

"They're bringing in Captain Sanchez." Jen answered with a choppy breath as she slid to a stop in front of the doors to the main tower.

Ronon didn't question how they'd managed to run from the end of the north pier to the main tower in less than a minute… he just followed her down the hallways and corridors - which made no sense in their layout and direction – happy she obviously knew where they were going.

He stopped on the edge of a doorway as she ran into the infirmary, blinking with the sudden change to see the infirmary wasn't really the infirmary - just a single operating room. The walls were black, if there were even walls there behind the shadows, and the only light seemed to come from above the operating table in the middle of the darkened space. Doctors and nurses moved around the table as Jennifer issued orders. He glanced at the others in the room - faces he couldn't recognize behind masks, bodies draped in surgical clothing – nothing felt familiar except the man on the table.

Ronon recognized Sanchez immediately – he was lying on his back screaming and writhing in pain, clutching a huge open wound in his stomach. Ronon stepped out of the way as a nurse hurried past him to join the others. He waited in the darkness and shadows, watching Jennifer working to save the Captain's life. While he watched, his mind refused to let go of the phantom pain between his shoulder blades. He clung to it as his only link to the outside – a reminder that nothing here was real.

"It is real enough." Ellie appeared beside him and he glanced down. "If you die in here…" She tapped her head. "You die in here." She tapped her heart. "Real dead. Not dream dead. Dead dead."

"If we turn the failsafes back on," he asked the child. "Will this stop?"

Ellie nodded, paused, then waggled her head. "I don't know. I'm just the avatar. Ari doesn't know either." Giving him a shrug, she twisted a finger through a light blond curl, spinning it quickly around and around. "But we think so."

Jennifer's voice interrupted his retort by pronouncing Sanchez stable. Ronon watched as stepped away from the table, her gloves making a sharp, snapping sound when she peeled them off her fingers. As she turned, she caught sight of him standing on the edges of the light.

Her brow furrowed slightly as she took a hesitant step toward him. "Ronon?"

Before he could answer, the scene in front of him slowed in motion as though moving through a thick syrup. Sound stopped and muted as everything froze in place. Including Jennifer. Fingers brushed his left hand and he didn't bother to look this time as Ellie wrapped her tiny hand tightly around his index finger and squeezed.

"What's happening?" He asked gruffly.

"It's time."

"Time for what?" He felt pressure in his chest growing, his muscles tensing.

Ellie leaned forward and glanced around him to his holstered blaster on his right hip. "I think you're going to need that."

Ronon's hand automatically reached for his gun. "Why?"

Ellie pointed to the frozen doctors and nurses with her left hand. With her right, she gripped his fingers tightly. "They're coming…" She whispered.

Before Ronon could question her further, a rushing whir of sound surrounded the room, returning motion and animation as everyone blurred into life. He shouted a warning but it went unheeded as the nurse who'd brushed past him only moments before whipped her mask away with a sharp toothed hiss, revealing the face of a Wraith Queen.

Jennifer screamed.

With a gasp, Ellie's essence blinked into nothingness as Ronon stepped forward and fired at the Wraith Queen. Around him, each doctor – each nurse – immediately shifted out of human form and into Wraith.

Spinning and shooting, he dodged blows and stunner fire as he dropped the eight Wraith and their Queen. He reacted as though it were real life – and they fell as though truly dead. When he was done, their bodies strewn about the operating room, he paused, the silence rippling through him. The overhead light swung frantically side to side, rocking its beam across the carcasses.

A woman's scream echoed painfully through his mind and he physically winced, jabbing the heel of his hand against his forehead as the cry throbbed behind his skull.

"Jennifer!" He shouted, turning in a slow circle, gun raised as he searched the shadows.

She wasn't there.

"She's in the gateroom." Ellie exhaled with a rush, once again beside him. When she touched his wrist, he suddenly found himself in the back corridor beneath Woolsey's office, blue light reflecting and bouncing off the walls as he ran out into the open.

"Hurry!" Ellie cried out.

Another scream and his eyes centered on Jennifer, crawling on her stomach, frantically trying to reach an M9 which was laying on the floor in front of her. As her fingers neared the barrel the Wraith grabbed her ankle and yanked her roughly back, flipping her onto her back while she tried to crab crawl away, frantic screams escaping with ragged cries. With one claw like hand pressed tightly around her throat, her screams died as her breath was cut off. The Wraith barred his teeth with a maniacal grin as he growled with satisfaction.

As the creature's hand descended, Ronon shot him twice in the chest, then a third time just to be sure, while Ellie jumped up and down next to the staircase, cheering and clapping.

The Wraith tumbled off Jennifer and landed in a heap to her side. Jennifer stumbled to her feet and ran towards him. Slamming into his chest she wrapped her arms around his torso and squeezed. He dropped his arms, hugging her tightly. He could feel her scattered breathing as she tried to bury herself against him.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god." She chanted while he held her. Then her head snapped up and she gasped. "We have to go!" She cried out, releasing him and grabbing his free hand, yanking him towards the gate. "Now!"

"Go where?" He countered, digging in his heels and stopping her.

"Ronon, please!" Jen urged, panic raising her voice an octave. "We don't have time to argue!" With a screech she pointed to the back of the gateroom and the sea of Wraith drones that were quickly emptying out of the corridor and onto the main floor.

"Where's it go?" Ronon asked her of the gate, as he blasted drone after drone. Bodies fell and were immediately trampled on by the ones behind. More flowed out through the corridors like liquid - unending and unstopping.

"It's safe!" She yelled, tugging his left hand. "Just… come!"

With a guttural battle cry, Ronon continued to fire at the drones, but there were so many, his shots were useless. His gaze flipped to the bright green eyes of the little girl standing on the second floor balcony.

"Go!" Ellie yelled, pointing to the gate.

So he went – letting Jennifer pull him backwards across the event horizon and into oblivion.


	4. Chapter 4

As he stumbled out the far side of the Stargate, Ronon's stomach turned over as everything shifted quickly left then right then solidified. He righted himself and spun in a quick circle, confirming there were no Wraith, no drones, and well… no city either.

Earth.

Wherever it was, it was _definitely _Earth this time. He recognized the vehicles and the patterns of the houses. Even in dream-land it still amazed him how far these people had come with their technology – left alone to flourish.

He looked around at the quiet neighbourhood, eying the people who moved along the walkways or sat on their steps. Down the street children squealed in play as they kicked a black and white ball across a yard. Behind him, a man washed his vehicle with a bucket of soapy water. To his right, an elderly woman tended her garden.

The house he stood in front of sat on top of a rise of grass, the lawn a deep green, bordered by a jungle of multicolored flowers held back by a long, white fence. Three stories high, the house ended in a black peaked roof, half shaded by a massive, leafy tree. A long, thick porch extended around the sides and front of the house, opening up with a wide staircase that lead down to the lawn.

Cool fingers touched his hand and he turned, surprised this time that it wasn't Ellie – but Jennifer.

Only… it was a much younger version of Jennifer… she couldn't have been more than sixteen. Her hair was shorter, cropped just above her shoulders, bouncing back and forth as she shook her head slowly from side to side. Wearing a short denim skirt that showed far too much of her bare, tan legs, and a bright pink tank top that matched the bright pink sneakers, she shifted her weight and turned towards him.

"You sure about this?" She blinked up at him, her eyes filled with worry.

_Sure about what? _He almost asked, then settled on a quick shrug. Hell no he wasn't sure about anything in this place… His hand automatically dropped to his holster and he felt a moment's panic when he discovered it was no longer there.

No gun.

No holster.

Jennifer giggled and he turned. She reached up and patted his lower back. "You moved it, remember?"

Ronon's hand clamped down on hers which was resting on his blaster, and he damn near sighed with relief. The custom holster he'd made to fit the small of his back. He withdrew the blaster and checked it – just to assure himself it was there.

"Ronon, put that back!" She whispered harshly. "I said you could bring it… but _no_ shooting people… no matter how annoying Auntie May is."

"Auntie May?" Ronon stuffed it back into it's holster and Jen dodged in behind him, yanking the edge of his shirt down to cover it. He eyed her warily, still thrown by her young appearance. Yet she obviously knew exactly who he was.

"She's the one I told you about." Jen stepped forward, her small hand slipping into his. His brow furrowed to note she was gripping his index and middle finger in the same manner as Ellie. "Come on." She tugged him forward. "Lets get this over with then we can go."

Inside, the house was warm and inviting, and filled with people. Laughing, talking, eating. He eyed them all warily, half expecting each person to suddenly split into a Wraith. As they walked through each room, their path through the house wove confusingly back and forth through the gauntlet of smiling faces. But the closer he looked, the closer he realized they weren't smiles so much as grimaces. It was something in the eyes that put him on alert. He tightened his grip on her fingers and moved closer. She glanced up at him and shook her head.

"Relax." She whispered, moving her hand so her fingers were tightly threaded through his. "They won't hurt you."

_Uh-huh_, he thought, taking comfort in the blaster and holster pressed against his lower back.

As they wound their way through the crowed, voices echoing like harsh whispers overrode the boisterous conversations. He turned, watched, but mouths weren't moving to match the words. It was as though the voices were in his head – or he in theirs.

… _doesn't look like a genius …_

… _hear she has no friends …_

… _she's no smarter than my Bobby …_

… _too skinny for my tastes …_

… _freak …_

… _hides in her room …_

… _uptight …_

… _probably paid him to come with her …_

… _goody two-shoes …_

… _teacher's pet …_

… _doesn't deserve him …_

… _man's a saint for taking care of her …_

… _thinks she's better than the rest of us …_

… _bitch …_

Jennifer nodded and smiled, calling each person by name, pointing them out to him. Aunts and Uncles. Relatives and neighbours. She never acknowledged the voices, or gave him any reason to believe she could even hear the voices, or see the glares she was getting as soon as she passed. As Ronon turned his head, the people behind him would be back to laughing and conversing as though nothing changed.

They walked slowly across a crowded kitchen, the taunts and slicing comments echoing as they passed through the people. He glanced around, but no one was even looking in their direction. Jennifer pulled the back door open and he walked with her, glancing down as a blinding slice of sunlight surrounded them.

He shook his head, wondering if she truly believed people would say those things about her. Were they things she _thought _someone would say? Or did someone really say them? Were these people not supposed to be her relatives and friends?

Jennifer glanced up at him, and he could see a flicker of pain in her eyes before it flashed and disappeared behind a forced smile.

"They did." Ellie said, drawing his attention as he stepped through the door. "That was more of a memory than a dream. It's why she's leaving. It hurts too much to stay."

Ronon glanced at the small child, who was sitting at the end of a long wooden bench set amongst a row of grey locker doors. Jennifer's fingers were no longer in his and he spun, finding himself in an empty corridor. Bright lights shone overhead, revealing a long, wide hallway both in front and behind. The door, the house, and the crowd were gone.

"Where is she?" He asked the child, as he turned.

Ellie hopped off the bench, her white shoes clicking sharply on the tile floor. "Hiding." The little girl said quietly, walking past Ronon, moving down the corridor. "She doesn't want you to see it."

"Hiding?" Ronon blinked, and followed. "See what?"

"What happens here." Ellie whispered, her hair masking her expression.

"_What _happens?!" He demanded, his voice low and serious. Blood lakes and wraith attacks… and Jennifer didn't want him to know what comes next? What the hell could be worse?

Ellie stopped so suddenly Ronon took two steps before he noticed she wasn't there. He turned to face her as Ellie blinked quickly, her eyes wide with shock. "What?!" He demanded.

"She knows she's dreaming. She knows you're seeing…" Ellie shook her head, and stepped towards him, her hand outstretched. "Oh dear…"

A sharp pain staggered up his back and he grunted, hunching his shoulders. It bit into his spine, shooting down into his lower back. He hissed through his teeth and glared at the child.

"She's figured out what's going on." Ellie blinked in surprise. "Wow, she really _is_ smart." The little girl nodded appreciatively, her eyes wide with understanding.

The pain spread through Ronon's entire torso and he staggered, his shoulder banging against one of the lockers, which moved and shifted beneath his weight. He pushed against it with his hand, pressing the metal surface inward as thought it were canvass, not a solid wall.

Ellie spun around in a full circle, blond curls sailing around her head with the speed of the turn. "She's trying to push you out. Out of the machine. Out of Ari!"

"Well tell her to stop!" He growled as his legs gave out, sending him sliding down the wall while the images blurred and tilted around him. He fell onto his side, nausea barking bile up into the back of his throat as he forced his eyes to remain open against the dizzying spining. He felt as though he were being ripped apart from the inside, split in two, his center trying to force itself out through his spine.

For a brief moment he experienced the sensation of falling, and his heart slammed into an adrenaline fueled pounding as he fully expected to slam down on a hard surface. But instead of hitting anything, he simply shifted presence. His body remained on it's side, but he could feel the cold floor of the Ari beneath him – its walls flickering with the pulse of light that surrounded him. Lightning beams that arced over his head and around his body. He could almost feel Jennifer's body spooned against him, his arms holding her tightly, the scent of vanilla she always carried with her. The image of Ellie faded, showing him both the corridor where the child stood, and the open space of the Ari where he lay with Jennifer on the floor.

"Make her stop!" Ronon growled through his clenched teeth, knowing if he let Jennifer push him out, she would be left alone with her nightmares. And no way to protect herself.

"Ronon?" Teyla's voice called to him, but he couldn't answer. Wasn't really sure if he'd even heard it.

"Ronon!" Ellie yelled, her voice faint and faded, drowned out by a shouted command behind him.

"Make it stop!"_ Sheppard_?

"Quickly, Rodney!" _Beckett_?

"Trying…" _McKay_.

Ronon stared hard Ellie, concentrating on the image of the little girl. Blond curls. Green eyes. White dress. Concentrated and pictured her in his mind, willing himself to bring her to the forefront.

Teyla's face swam in from the side, blurred behind the image of Ellie. She was speaking. Calling him. But he couldn't hear. The two faces merged together, frozen in time, before the Ari disappeared and he was left lying in the corridor once again.

Ellie's face, with her startling green eyes, hovered in front of his. "You okay?"

Ronon let out the breath he'd been holding and pushed himself into a sitting position, the pain once again concentrated through the back of his shoulders. Yet, it was sharper now, more prevalent.

"What the hell happened?" He climbed to his feet and stepped away from the wall, his eyes moving left, then right, down the endless corridor.

"Jennifer tried to push you out."

"Jennifer did."

Ellie nodded. "Your friends managed to split Ari's power between you both now. Dr. McKay is helping Ari keep her power under control, and your Doctor Beckett is making sure..." she paused, searching. "Making sure your... hearts don't explode." She bobbled her head. "Or perhaps that's John Sheppard's translation of the medical terminology."

Ronon exhaled sharply, glad to hear he at least hadn't made that up. The team _was_ here. Damn that was fast.

Ellie shook her head and tapped her temple. "No, not fast. Time passes differently in here."

"_How _differently?"

"Minutes to hours." The child said with a shrug. "You've been here for... over five hours now."

"What?!"

Ellie shrugged. "I can't explain it. It just... is."

Ronon shook off the urge to demand a straight answer, knowing frustration wouldn't help either of them, yet still wanting to hit something. His back twinged and he rolled his shoulders.

Ellie's fingers touched his arm and he looked down. "If she had succeeded... Ari would have transferred all her power to Jennifer." Ellie said softly. "It could have killed her."

"Why the hell would she do that?"

"Ari has no choice." Ellie shrugged. "She's only a machine."

"No." Ronon growled. "Jennifer."

"To let you live." Ellie said with a tisk. Then she sighed and pointed to her right. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go!"

Ronon began to run a steady pace, searching for a side corridor, a door, an exit, but all he passed was lockers and benches.

_To let him live? _

He growled, knowing the reason was just stupid enough to be something Jennifer would do. When he found her… when they got out of this… mess… they were going to sit down and have a conversation. A very pointed conversation. Starting with what the hell would prompt her to sacrifice herself like that… and what the hell was she trying to hide that was bad enough to constitute _dying_ over?

Ellie stayed beside him while he ran, her feet firmly planted on the floor, yet she was keeping pace. It was rather distracting so he ignored the image it presented and concentrated on moving.

"There." Ellie chirped, pointing to a darkened corridor that suddenly appeared out of the edges of the wall to his left. Ronon banked and shifted direction into the opening, the grading in the floor rising as the hallway shifted into a tunnel, bright white light streaming in from the opening a half-mile ahead.

"Remember the failsafe!" Ellie called from back at the intersection of the corridor. "You have as much power as she does now! Memories or dreams… you can change what happens! You can make them stop!"

With his blaster comfortably seated against his palm, Ronon ran out through the end of the tunnel, and into the light.


	5. Chapter 5

Ronon exited the tunnel, turning his head away from the painful glare of the bright light. Sliding to a stop, he squinted, shielding his eyes beneath his elbow. Almost immediately, the light dissolved and fizzled out with an audible snap, leaving him standing in darkness. He turned to find himself in the middle of a forest, the wide trail beneath his boots well used and deeply warn. The night was hot – humid and sticky – a half moon hanging in the sky high above the thick canopy of leaves.

Night creatures buzzed in the thrushes next to the path. He circled slowly, eyeing the trees and the land beyond. He could hear a faint thrumming, and centered in on the direction, moving back along the trail.

He inhaled deeply, the smell of earth and vegetation surprising him with its sharpness. The sounds grew and clarified, music now recognizable with its steady beat. The sharp sound of a woman's laugh echoed around him as the path emptied out behind a large residence, and he walked out into a massive gathering.

With a light in every window, the building – house? – lit up the field it stood in. People milled about everywhere – lounging, talking, drinking – there was no mistaking the scent of alcohol as he scanned the boisterous gathering. The yard was jammed with bodies, people coming and going, back and forth, into the house, laughing, squealing, dancing. Music poured out through the open windows, the low beat of the drum vibrating inside his skull. It was loud enough out here – it would be deafening inside.

A huge fire crackled off to the side of the house, surrounded by many. Ronon stood on the edge of the crowd, using his added height to scan for Jennifer, but he couldn't see much, other than a sea of bobbing heads, and gyrating body parts. He concentrated on finding his target, a feeling of need tightening across his chest. Half way across the yard something pulled him towards the fire. He didn't argue – simply followed the pull of the flame. Reaching the edge of the fire pit, he turned towards the front of the house. The thrum of music vibrated through the ground beneath his feet, but the crowd thinned and faded the farther he got from the back side of the dwelling.

On this side, the sea of people was replaced with a sea of vehicles. All sizes and shapes, colors and functions. He skirted the edge, his eyes raking over the silent metal heaps until he spotted a small gathering near one of the last vehicles.

Four men, two women, and a girl with a bright pink tank top.

Jennifer.

She seemed so young compared to the others – a child amongst adults - and it didn't look like she was where she was by choice.

One young woman stood on Jennifer's left, long dark hair in a ponytail, gripping Jennifer's upper arm tightly. Her right arm was equally trapped by a taller blond, who's hair whipped around as she argued something with the four men who stood with them.

Ronon hesitated, his eyes moving around him, wondering what was going to be going wrong with this particular dream. He stepped closer, hearing Jennifer arguing a point with the blond – something to do with an invitation… or lack of an invitation – but the blond was having none of it.

One of the males laughed – then everyone laughed – everyone except Jennifer.

"Hey!" He shouted at them, but his call went ignored. They either couldn't see him, or he wasn't included in this scene yet. He moved quickly, breaking into a run as the two women shoved Jennifer to the ground and the group closed in.

Ronon stumbled as the terrain beneath his boots changed. Smooth lawn became rough and rocky as the house and yard disappeared in place of a dark forest. He cursed and slid to a stop, his ears tuning out the sounds of the night creatures to hone in on muffled sobbing.

… _concentrate_ … Ellie's voice whispered inside his head.

He spun to his right, willing himself to pinpoint the location of the out-of-place sounds. With a deep breath, he centered himself and moved forward, silently stepping through the undergrowth. A soft glow fed him their location, beams from the lights of the vehicle calling him like a beacon. The shadows pulled long and dark as he edged around a large trunk, his eyes on the group of people standing along the top of a rise.

Jennifer stood on the edge of a drop, two of the men holding her tightly while she struggled. He could see the tracks of her tears – her young face streaked with moisture as she pleaded with them to let her go, apologizing over and over, sobbing and swearing she wouldn't tell anyone.

Fury welled up through him as the blond laughed and taunted, "Look at the little baby cry…"

The instant Ronon stepped towards them, the two men released Jennifer's arms.

"Stay away from my boyfriend, you stupid little bitch!" The blond shouted, slamming her palms forward.

With a shriek of shock and dismay, Jennifer stumbled backwards, her arms pin-wheeling out as she struggled to regain her balance.

But she was too far over the edge.

Ronon knew she heard him shouting her name, for in the exact instant she teetered on the edge, she flashed into a version of her current self, and her eyes held enough fear and pain to last him a lifetime.

Then she was gone.

His body felt as though he were trying to push through a thick syrup – his limbs slow and sluggish as he forced himself forward. The women, the men, the vehicle, all gone, leaving him alone on the empty ledge. He knew – just as sure as he knew his own name, that the land on the other side was not a cliff, but a slope coated with pebbled gravel and mud, which ended in a murky, stagnant ditch. Jennifer would tumble and fall, rolling over the jagged surface and end up in the rotten water below. Injured and hysterical - alive - but unable to climb back up. As soon as the image of the terrain flashed in his head, he broke free of the stickiness and launched himself forward at full speed. Exhaling with a shouted growl, he leapt over the drop.

With his weight on his heels he half ran, half slid down the hill, his eyes easily picking out the flash of pale skin against the dark moss and dirt below. She was struggling to right herself from the stagnant creek, sobbing and retching, her limbs scratched and scraped raw, blood mixing with the scum from the surface of the swampy water.

He slid the final few feet on his side, grabbing for her, pulling her out of the water and onto his lap. Her eyes squeezed closed with a hiss and a sob as her younger self lay against him and cried. Soaking wet, mud plastered to limbs, clothes and hair, she was a mess.

"Damn it, Ronon." She cursed, the older voice not matching the younger body. "You're not supposed to see this…"

"It's just a dream." He quickly inspected her limbs, legs, arms, head, finding only bumps and bruises, scratches and scrapes. Painful, but nothing the Ari would let her die over.

"It's not _just _a dream." She shook her head furiously, her damp hair flicking cold water against his arms. "It's not!"

"Jennifer, it's okay!"

"You should have let Ari remove you…" She lifted her head, her long blond hair falling down over her bare shoulders as she shifted into her real self once again.

"No, Jennifer." He growled, willing her to forget any other plans she might be considering. "I am not leaving you behind."

"Ronon-"

"Jennifer. No!" He gave her a quick shake, glancing down at her bruises and scrapes. "This…" he snarled. "Is worth dying for?"

She let out a sad sob, and shook her head. "I… no… that's not…"

"Then what?"

"These are _my_ dreams, Ronon! Mine!" She pushed herself off him and stumbled back, sinking past her battered knees in the grimy water. With her fists balled at her sides she shouted, her voice cracking with emotion. "You can't stay here! I can't have you here!"

Ronon could feel the surge of pain arcing through his back once again and he cursed her. "Jennifer, I am not leaving!"

She cried out and stumbled forward, landing hard on her side in the dirt in front of him. "You can't…" She gasped. "I won't…"

"McKay is splitting the power!" He snarled at her. "You can't force me out. Not this time!"

"You have to go!" She shouted, and the pain in his spine increased tenfold.

"It will kill you!"

Using every ounce of concentration available, Ronon pushed back at the agonizing pain, sending it down to a dull throbbing. Light filtered in around them, turning the air a dusty yellow as she tried to crawl away along the bottom edge of the hillside. He grabbed her legs, yanking her back.

She let out a frustrated scream. "Get… out!"

"Not... leaving!" He countered, wrapping his arms around her torso and pinning her beneath him. "If you push me out the Ari _will_ kill you! This is _not_ worth dying over!"

She stilled so suddenly he tensed in anticipation of an attack, but she only stared up at him, her eyes wide and pleading. The pain suddenly disappeared from his back as she stopped whatever she was doing to push him from the Ari.

"Not this." Jennifer whispered. Fresh tears tracking through the dirt and grime that covered her face. The air around him crackled, turning everything a wash of grey. "These are _my_ nightmares." She sobbed, lifting her hand slowly.

Ronon felt the tremble in her cold skin as she held her palm against his cheek. Her entire body shook beneath, her fear eating upwards through the bottom of his soul.

"Do you dream?" She asked.

He nodded, rubbing his cheek against her palm, unable to tear his eyes away from hers.

"Do you have nightmares?"

He nodded again.

"Do they come back? Again and again – so much so that you know without doubt when they are happening… what's happening next? And no matter what you do, you can't stop it, you can't wake yourself up, even though you know… you _know_… it's all just a horrible dream?

He inhaled slowly.

"This is _my_ nightmare, Ronon." She continued with a whisper, letting her hand drop away. "And I _know_ what happens next."

"Jennifer?" Ronon felt her body tensing beneath his, her entire frame shaking so badly her teeth chattered. The panicked whimpering sound she made in the back of her throat sent his heart into overdrive. His muscles primed for response. He didn't know what the hell was coming but he knew it was going to be bad.

"Damn you, Ronon Dex." She sobbed, scrunching her eyes closed and throwing her arms around him as though he were her lifeline. As though her very life depended on holding on. Then she shrieked and threw herself back against the cold, hard ground. "Stay mad!" She shoved at his chest, her hands fisted as she frantically swung at him, bucking and writhing beneath him as she struggled to get away. "Stay angry! You're supposed to hate me! Hate me, damn it! Hate me and just go away!"

"Jennifer, no." He clutched her wriggling body tightly, pinning her beneath him, his hands gripping her wrists while she cursed him.

Then she froze so suddenly his heart stopped beating.

With a rumbling tremor, the ground beneath her tore itself open and she was ripped away, her terrified scream echoing as she dropped into the blackness below.


	6. Chapter 6

Arm outstretched into the pit, Ronon screamed Jennifer's name, watching in horror as the ground closed up around him. He pulled at the grass and mud, but only came away with handfuls of dirt. He flung it away in dismay.

… _Ronon! _… Ellie spoke inside his head. His ears popped with a change in pressure and he blinked to find himself in complete darkness. The hillside and dirt gone – replaced with nothing. He could feel a smooth floor beneath his feet – but had no sense of time, space, or motion other than to feel himself standing.

Light strobed behind him and he spun, stepping up to the child who ran towards him. She was lit from above, the golden light spilling down around her, highlighting her hair and shoulders like some kind of aura. Her hair bounced out behind her as she ran past him, snagging his fingers and pulling him along with incredible force. He stumbled to realize she was forcing him to keep up or fall.

A door appeared out of the darkness and she waved her hand at it, flinging it open without touching it. The other side looked to be an underground tunnel, carved from solid rock. Torches burned in rusted metal holders along the sides, lighting the path with an eerie yellow glow.

Ellie pulled him to a stop in the open doorway. "I can't go any further." She shook her head, her voice hurried as she rushed out her explanation. "She's blocking. Putting up… walls… doors. Anything she can do to keep you out."

"Out of what?!" Ronon was feeling increasingly agitated at the lack of information from _both_ females he was currently stuck with. "Are the failsafes disabled yet?"

"Dr. McKay is still working on it." She shook her head. "I can't push her any more. It's getting too dangerous."

"Push who? Jennifer?"

"No, Ari. She wants me to leave you and try to help Rodney."

"Yes! Go!" Ronon ordered. "Get this damn thing turned off!"

"I can't do both!" She shook her head furiously. "If I help Rodney, I can't help you!"

"Helping Rodney _is_ helping me!"

"No, you don't understand!" Ellie stomped her small foot, her eyes wide, a tremble in her lower lip. "I can't just leave you! You don't understand! You don't understand anything!"

"Understand what?!" He shouted back, frustration bursting through his entire being.

"_You _die here!" She shrieked, then burst into tears.

Ronon froze at her admission. "In the Ari?" He asked quietly.

Ellie shook her head, tiny motions that were barely noticeable if not for the bounce of her blond curls. "No." She pointed down the tunnel, cheeks wet with the tracks from her tears. "In here. And without the failsafe… she knows. She knows. She's seen it a thousand times. A thousand times she's relived it her mind. Over and over. But this time she knows. She understands. This time, she will not wake up and find it was only a bad dream. This time… you're… gone. Forever. And you can't be…" She trailed off with a sniff. "I won't let it."

Ronon's heart leapt with an extra beat then stilled as he stared into the tunnel. So that's what she knew. That's why she tried to push him out. To save his life over hers. If the failsafes were gone, and he died here, then he died. So she'd tried to push him back out into the real world, leaving herself behind. Alone and unprotected, trapped in a world of nightmares.

Yet if _she_ died here – was that an acceptable loss in her mind?

_Well, damn it, it was not an acceptable loss in his!_

Ellie released his wrist and stepped away from the door, her green eyes dark and filled with sadness. "She tried to keep me out but I know. I know. It's her worst nightmare, Ronon. Not just that you die in front of her and she can't save you… but _when _you die." A small tear escaped the corner of her eye and dripped slowly down her cheek.

"And Jennifer?"

"I don't know. She always wakes up before the end. But now… with Ari damaged… I don't know." Ellie's voice cracked with a sob as more tears dripped off her cheeks and onto the ruffled front of her small dress. She turned away, her green eyes filled with anguish, and disappeared.

Ronon stared at the spot where she'd stood only moments before, then shook his head, clearing it as he turned towards the open door and the tunnel beyond. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled sharply and ran forward, the door behind him disappearing with a hiss, leaving only walls of rock.

"Ronon!"

When Jennifer screamed his name, panic tore through his head and body with such force he staggered, bashing his shoulder against the jagged rocks of the wall of the tunnel. He knew she was somewhere ahead, her hoarse cries cracked with pain and anguish. The ground in front of him shook with a slight tremor as the distant sounds of fighting reached his ears. P90 fire. Guns. Guns in dreams were useless… but guns in this particular dream could kill. He straightened and ran down the corridor, a cold sweat breaking out across his body. Death, blood, violence – everything he feared raced through his blood as his feet slammed onto the hard rock, propelling him forward. Dirt rained down around him as another explosion vibrated the ground, sending a shower of dust and pebbles bouncing across the floor.

Another scream and he pushed himself harder, driving himself out through the end of the tunnel and into a darkened cavern. Her cries were so loud he feared she was being torn into pieces – eaten alive – any number of horrific tortures. He couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, couldn't think of any purpose other than putting one foot in front of the other.

The scene that opened in front of him was so shocking – so unreal – all the oxygen in his lungs shot out with a strangled hiss. Pain and tension radiated across his chest and he stumbled to a stop, completely frozen.

She was nearly naked. The bare skin of her lower body exposed to the light, to the room, to the eyes of the two men with her. Her body bent as she screamed, fighting for oxygen, her chest heaving as she sucked in air only to exhale it in an echoing cry of pain.

And in that instant Ronon understood.

Why she cried out.

Why she screamed.

Jennifer…

... was giving birth.


	7. Chapter 7

Pregnant.

Giving birth.

Here.

Now.

On the floor of a cave in the middle of some kind of battle… Jennifer… was having a baby?

Her back against Sheppard's front, the Colonel sat on the floor, propping her up, brushing her hair away from her face while he talked her down, his voice calm in her ear.

She cursed at a volume that would make a drill sergeant proud, her arms bent upward, fingers clenched around the shoulder straps of John's TAC vest behind her. John's arms were wrapped around her upper body, holding both her, and his Beretta, as he eyed the far side of the cavern. His P90 lay beside his hip, locked and loaded.

"He promised!" Jennifer wailed, her breath coming in short gasps. "God damn it! He promised!"

"Och lass…" Carson answered, raising his head from his kneeling position between her bare legs. "You know as well as I do your big man wouldn't miss this if he could. Now push!"

She screamed, the harsh sound echoing louder as a contraction hit, bending her over. John helped her lean forward, her agonized cry echoing around the cavern as Carson shouted encouragement. She collapsed back against the Colonel, panting. "I… am not… having… this child… alone!"

"Breathe, Doc." John ordered, brushing her damp hair off her forehead while she struggled to catch her breath. "You're not alone. We're right here with you."

"I… don't… want you…" She hissed. "I… want… RONON!" She turned his name into a drawn out shout as her body forced her to push.

"He's on the way." John assured her when she collapsed again, his eyes locked on the tunnel to his left.

"He's not coming!" She shouted. "I'm going… to kill him… for this!"

"Come on, Doc. Women do this all the time." He added, then winced when Jennifer's fingers dug into his thigh.

"I… am not… _women_!" She cursed, her arm flailing up as she snagged his shoulder strap again. "_Fuuuuuuuck_!" She shouted the curse, long and loud, bending as the next contraction ripped through her lower body.

This time when she collapsed, exhausted, she was sobbing. "I can't… I can't… I can't…"

"Aye, lass." Carson shot the colonel a worried glance as the ground around them trembled from another distant explosion. "You can. Your wee bairn just has a flair for the dramatic – what with showing up in the middle of a battle and all. Quite like a certain father-to-be we all know and love. Now let's finish up so we can get ya' both back to the city. Safe n' sound. Ready? Now push!"

"He promised." She wailed, the word turning into an agonized scream as John helped her lean forward.

Behind them, in the darkness, Ronon stood in stunned silence in the entrance to the tunnel – unable to move – unable to breathe – unable to do anything other than stare.

This was it?

_This was her nightmare?_

Having _his_ child?

Or having his child _without_ him?

Or having his child without him because he was somewhere else?

Or was it not a baby? Was it something _else_? Was _that_ what frightened her? Was that the nightmare? Or would there be something wrong with the child?! Would it even be alive?! Panicked thoughts raced through his mind. There were too many pieces. To many questions. To many… he couldn't think. She'd dreamed of having _his_ child? He couldn't put any of it together. When? Why? She did?

"Push lass!" Carson shouted. "You're almost done! Push! Push!"

"OhGodOhGodOhGod!" Jennifer's shouted chant vibrated through Ronon's entire body and he couldn't stop himself from moving forward.

Sheppard's Beretta immediately targeted Ronon's movement. The Colonel's head snapped around, staring as Ronon stepped carefully forward. The barrel wavered then dropped as Carson shouted with urgency over Jen's guttural screams.

"There!" Carson exclaimed as Jennifer's body collapsed against Sheppard, her screams suddenly replaced with exhausted sobbing. "Aye lass, ya' did it! Ya did it!"

Ronon froze in place, his eyes glued to Beckett's hands as the doctor's face cracked into a huge smile. Carson lifted his arms, his hands cradling a tiny infant. A human baby. A live baby. Carson placed the struggling infant gently on Jennifer's chest.

"Och, Jennifer" Carson said softly. "It's a wee girl. A beautiful baby girl."

Ronon stared.

A baby?

_His_ baby?

Girl.

Daughter.

So small.

So very small.

A cool touch of fingers brushed his cheeks and he looked up, realizing he was there – he was beside her – beside them both.

Jennifer smiled, her cheeks wet from the tears, an exhausted sob escaping her lips. "You're here." She whispered. "You came."

He nodded, unable to make his voice work. Unable to think past the fact that she'd had a baby. His baby. On the cold, hard floor of a cave in some forsaken planet… she'd given birth to his child. Her child. _Their_ child.

_But it was only a dream._

Ronon jerked to realize they were suddenly alone. John was gone - and it was his own arms that held Jennifer and the child. Not the Colonel's. A quick glance confirmed that absence of Carson as well.

Weapons fire cracked down the corridor – moving closer.

Ronon didn't chance anything that could possibly be coming next. He leapt to his feet, bringing Jennifer up with him, her arms clutching the baby to her chest. The panic of the situation kicked his heart into a rapid fire beat as he carried her into the shadows towards the rear tunnel. He couldn't seem to find enough belief in the fact that this was still a dream. Just a dream. He knew it was. Understood it was.

But a part of his mind wouldn't let go of the fact that he was protecting the child and her mother.

Jennifer and her daughter.

His daughter.

_This was her dream? This is what she didn't want him to see?_

A chunk of rock exploded past him and he hunched his shoulders, twisting as he ran, keeping as much of himself between whoever was shooting, and his precious cargo. He reached the safety of the tunnel, moving around a jagged corner. The approaching sounds of footsteps alerted him and he turned to set Jennifer onto her feet so he could free his hands.

"Ronon."

Jennifer spoke from directly behind him.

He turned around, his eyes locked on a _second_ Jennifer. This one was fully clothed in her uniform, no belly, no baby, standing in the middle of the tunnel, watching him with intensity.

He spun back around, confirming the position of the first Jennifer – the mother and the child – and was shocked to see… himself. Still standing, frozen in time as he set her down. It looked as though someone had taken a photograph of his movements and covered his vision with it. He stepped around himself – around the frozen trio, fingers poised to touch.

It was then Ronon realized there was no sound. No gunfire, no shouting, nothing save for a faint ringing in his ears.

He looked at the new Jennifer. "What's happening?"

"My dream." She whispered, her eyes shining with unshed tears. She took a slow step forward, placing her palms flat against his chest. "My nightmare."

"Why?" He shook his head… wanting answers. Wanting truth. "Having a baby?" He croaked. "Or having _my_ baby?"

Tears escaped her eyes as she tipped her head back with a gasp. "No." She shook her head, her voice thick. "Never that."

"Then what?"

She pointed down the tunnel behind him and he turned to face two hybrids. Michael's hybrids. Both armed. Both aiming at the exposed and unprotected spine of his other self. They hadn't been there a moment before – but in this world, he supposed it didn't really matter.

But he understood now. Their position and his. His back to their weapons. They would kill him before he could set Jennifer and the child onto the ground.

_This_ was her nightmare. Not the child. Not _his_ child. Not the life found – but the life lost.

"You never even get to hold her." Jennifer whispered softly and he turned. "No matter how many times I try to change it."

The real Jennifer now stood behind him holding the infant – his dream self gone, her dream self gone. It was just the two of them… the two of them… and their daughter.

"Jennifer…" He hesitated… unable to find the words.

Jennifer gently touched the child's temple and the little girl wriggled, her tiny fingers clutched into miniature fists as she scrunched her angelic face.

"My dream." Jennifer looked up, tears tracing down her cheeks. "My nightmare."

He could feel the tremble in her fingers as she lightly touched his cheek, her skin cool against his.

"I love you, Ronon Dex." She whispered, her anguished eyes searching his. "I always have."

And with a roaring flash of sound, Ronon heard Ellie's screamed warning inside his head at the same time as the world around him kicked to life. His arm swung – the barrel of his blaster moving to face the hybrids – but she was faster.

After all…

This was _her_ dream. And this time... she was ready for them.

In the blink of an eye Jennifer switched their positions.

The hybrids fired.

And she pushed him away.


	8. Chapter 8

Pain.

Blinding white light, and pain.

They were the first two things Ronon registered as the universe stopped its dizzying spinning.

He could hear their voices but his mind and body were not able to function a response yet. John. Teyla. Rodney. Carson. And he knew. He knew what she'd done. What she'd finally been able to do.

She'd pushed him out of the Ari.

Ronon forced his eyes to focus away from Sheppard's concerned face as it floated in the air above him. Rolling his head, he could see Jennifer lying on the floor several feet away, and Carson's frantic movements as he tried to reach her – but Teyla and Rodney held him back. Out of the still sparking light. Away from the danger. Sound returned with a rush of accompanying pain behind his skull and he heard Carson's commanded orders to be released so he could help her. So he could save her. Because – as Ronon already knew – she was dying.

Light still surrounded her – beams twisting and sparking as they danced over and around her prone form. Ronon tried to move – tried to roll himself closer, but he had neither the strength, nor the ability. He turned his head, tried to tell the Colonel to back off, to push John away, but his voice wouldn't listen, and neither would his body.

… _turn it off …_ the words echoed in his head as the room filled with a blinding white light. The sheer brightness forced everyone to shield their eyes and turn away. Everyone except Ronon, who watched as the light around Jennifer surged and solidified, taking the form of a small child. A small child in a pretty white dress.

His heart broke into a thousand pieces, shattering in his chest as he finally saw the truth in those beautiful green eyes and long blond hair.

… _turn it off, Daddy …_ Ellie cried, her tears flowing freely down her small cheeks as she dropped to her knees next to Jennifer's still form.

_… destroy it … you can't let her die …_

Daddy.

Ellie.

… _Elizabeth, Daddy. Elizabeth… But always your little Ellie … Destroy the machine… Save Mama… Please… _

Pulling strength and purpose up from the depths of his soul, Ronon cried out and rolled, his blaster raised towards the pulsing orb to his right. He fired, and the giant ball exploded in a massive shower of glass and light, sending Teyla, Carson and Rodney to the floor for cover.

Sheppard shouted a cursed command to stop, but Ronon could hear only one master.

… _Again! …_ Ellie shrieked inside his head, her voice distant. _… Again! …_

Ronon lifted his chin and swung his arm up, blasting the silver ball over his right shoulder. Before the sound of the explosion faded he rolled onto his left side and destroyed the last ball. It blew up and out – the biggest explosion of them all - showering pieces of silver sparkled dust into the air. As the triple blast faded, a loud, strangled gasp echoed through the room, followed by a series of ragged, strangled breaths. Ronon collapsed onto his stomach and dragged himself towards where Jennifer lay on her side, struggling to get oxygen into her lungs. Her eyes were filled with pain and fear as she watched his approach. She slowly extended her arm towards him, sliding her fingers outward through the sparkling white dust that fell like snow around them.

Then her eyes fluttered closed and she lay still.

Ronon collapsed facing her, his arm outstretched, his fingertips reaching with just enough purchase to brush hers before his strength dissolved. As his eyes closed, a soft whisper blew across his mind.

… _love you Daddy …_

The others dropped to the ground – voices talking at once. Questions. Demands. Orders. As he faded Ronon could feel their hands on his body. Looking for wounds. Looking for injuries. But he had no voice with which to explain.

And this time, the darkness held no dreams, only blessed nothingness.


	9. Chapter 9

Ronon wiped his arm across his forehead, the steady rhythm of his feet on the surface of the pier lulling him into a sense of contentment. It was the first time in days he'd actually felt himself again. The first time since they'd returned that he'd actually considered going to see her.

Finding her.

Purposely seeking her out.

As he curved round the last tower, the ocean spray kicked up a blasting mist as the storm pushed the waves against the sides of the pier. He stopped at the edge and stared out across the churning sea. With his hands on his hips he inhaled and exhaled sharply, catching his breath, letting his heartbeat slow.

He felt as grey and volatile as the sky. It was almost dark now, the encroaching blackness rivaling his state of mind. The storm had been passing across the city for nearly two days, in various states of presence, some hours only rain, other times, like now, dry, but loud and windy. It fit so well with his emotional state, he didn't bother preventing his mood from spiraling downward.

Especially since he had nothing to do.

Gate travel was out – he was on downtime for another forty-eight hours barring any emergencies.

Sparring was out. Especially when he had half-a-mind to rip something apart for no particular reason. At least no reason he wanted to think about. And no one wanted to take him up on his offer – except Teyla – who'd quickly shown him the error of his ways.

She'd kicked his ass, then chastised him for being so outwardly distracted.

He couldn't really have argued if he'd even wanted to.

Because she was right.

He was distracted.

Horribly so.

Sheppard had given up trying to convince him to open up about what happened inside the Ari. And from the Colonel's miffed reaction, Ronon figured Jennifer was being just as tight lipped.

Ronon sighed.

He hadn't spoken to her since the planet. Neither one of them had been conscious for the ride back in the jumper and the subsequent stay in the infirmary. He'd been released the next morning and hadn't looked back. He knew from eavesdropping that she'd been required to stay an extra day for observation. Her body showed no physical injuries, but her recovery was slower. He'd also heard she'd been ordered to take a few days off and rest – no work, no excitement, no strenuous activity.

He'd told himself he was just giving her time to heal. But when he'd given up fighting himself for a few hours of fitful sleep –the niggling voice in the back of his mind called him a coward.

No matter how hard he tried, he could find no argument with the simple statement.

Not a single one.

Three days of sitting on it, tossing and turning on it, and now running from it, hadn't made it any less of a puzzle, or any less of an ache that seemed to be centered somewhere in the middle of his chest.

The storm rumbled across the skies, splitting the clouds with a long stripe of lightning, the sparking trail reminding him of the light from the Ari.

He inhaled sharply, and shook his head, his eyes on the heavens as cursed both the gods and demons who would send him such a blatant sign.

"Fine." He scowled at the sky.

With a snort of defeat he turned, running back towards the lights of the main tower, pursued by the memory of someone else's dreams.

* * *

Ronon showered and changed, debated waiting until the hour was _not _so late, then arguing that it wouldn't matter regardless. With the storm clouds crashing so loudly around them, she would most definitely not be sleeping.

Eventually he found himself wandering the hallways and corridors of the city, losing track of time before he cursed such weakness.

They needed to talk.

_He_ needed to talk.

He wanted… no… needed to know.

"_I love you, Ronon Dex. I always will."_

Her words - but were they only in dreams?

He turned sharply left, making a beeline for the nearest transporter. Jabbing his index finger at the controls, he exited in the crew quarters, striding directly towards the dead end hallway and her living space. Without giving himself time to change his mind, he swiped his hand down over the controls. He didn't have long to wait before the door slid open.

Standing barefoot in a pair of blue jeans and an oversized dark green sweatshirt, Jennifer blinked up at him – a little shocked, a bit confused, and something else – an expression he couldn't quite place. Her hair was twisted up onto the top of her head and secured with a large clip. Small tendrils fell messily down around her face, as though she'd been too distracted to finish pinning it all up. In the dim lighting of the hallway and the quiet of her room she seemed… younger… more vulnerable. He could hear a faint trace of music – something soft and slow – playing beneath the growl of the storm as another long roll of thunder rumbled above the city.

They stood in silence staring at each other across the threshold of her open doorway before he remembered _he'd_ come to see _her_ – not the other way around. He gave his head a slight shake then cleared his throat. "You busy?"

"No?" She shook her head, and gave him a jerky once over while she rubbed her palms against the outside of her thighs. "I… um… is um… there something wrong?"

He shook his head. "Thought maybe we could… talk."

"Talk." She stared at him wide eyed, her bottom lip trapped firmly between her teeth.

He was about to turn, taking her shocked silence as a no, when she jerked suddenly and took two abrupt steps back. "I'm sorry… I'm… did…" She cleared her throat then inhaled slowly. "Did you want to um… come in?"

He straightened and stepped into her room, noting a discarded book and blanket lying on the floor beside one of her twin chairs in the corner. The only source of light was the small lamp seated on the table between the chairs, its yellow glow lengthening the shadows across the rest of her space. He saw the open computer sitting next to the lamp, soft music playing through the speakers.

She rushed over to the table and gathered up her book and blanket, turning towards him with the bundle of material tightly griped in front of her. "I'm sorry… Did… do you want to sit?" She pointed to the chair she'd just vacated and backed up towards the second one.

He almost said no, but she was acting so damn nervous he figured sitting might take some of the edge off. He didn't like that she was nervous. Not around him. But then he supposed he had no call to question her reaction. Not… yet.

He lowered himself slowly, angled his legs outward, crossing his feet at the ankles, then decided he'd look a little too relaxed that way and opted for a straighter position.

She hovered next to him before sitting abruptly, practically dropping into the empty chair, the blanket and book still bundled against her chest. An awkward quiet fell between them, but it was quickly dissipated by the sounds of the storm.

"You feeling okay?" He finally thought to ask.

She blinked, opened her mouth, then closed it, changing her mind. She pursed her lips, ran her hand across her forehead and shrugged. "No."

"No." He angled his head and shoulders completely around so he was facing her directly. "You're _not_ okay?" He frowned. He'd been expecting the usual platitude – the standard _I'm fine_ answer everyone always gave when asked that question. He'd definitely _not_ expected her to answer with a negative.

She looked down at the paperback she was clutching, and quickly flipped it onto the desk. The small light between them flickered then surged with a massive cracking boom of thunder and she hopped up with a skittish squeak.

He eyed her warily as she took several hurried steps across the room then seemed to change her mind, stopping to turn, then letting out an exasperated sigh. He stood and moved towards her as she changed her mind again, spinning back around and slamming into his front. Letting out a yip she jumped back and cursed, clutching the blanket against her front like a shield.

Ronon reached for her, a hiss escaping though his teeth to feel her hands – they were _absolutely freezing_. He cursed and dropped her fingers, turning towards the door. "I'm going to get Carson."

"No!" She grabbed his forearm and he was shocked at how cold her palm was against his skin. "I'm fine… I-"

"Jennifer." He growled. "You're _not_ fine. You're… like ice."

She dropped her fingers away with a muttered apology and stepped back with a shudder. "I'm fine."

He shook his head and stepped forward. "Jennifer…"

She sidestepped his reach and turned away, her arms strangling the grey blanket. "I'm just… I just…" Her shoulders slumped and her voice dropped to a weary whisper. "Tired. I get cold… when I'm overtired."

Thunder rolled and she scrunched her eyes closed and hunched her shoulders. As it rumbled off and faded she dropped her chin to her chest and pinched the bridge of her nose, burying her face in the blanket.

"When's the last time you slept?"

She raised her face and rubbed her fingers across her right eye. "Who knows."

Ronon hesitated, his quest for information forgotten in light of her over-exhausted skittishness. He should go… but…

The music track on the computer faded off leaving a brief moment of silence filled only with low howl of the wind outside the heavy tower walls. By the time the next song began he'd decided.

"Do you still trust me?" He asked.

She blinked, her brow furrowed as she blushed furiously. "What's that supposed to mean?!" She sputtered, indignantly. "Of course I… I… wait…" She tilted her head and eyed him suspiciously. "Why?"

He turned towards the wall and hooked his fingers around her shoes. Straightening, he held them up.

She took them from his outstretched hand and pulled them in against her chest. "What?" She frowned.

"Put them on."

She blinked, but made no movement.

"Please."

She stared, and for a minute he wasn't sure she would comply. But she gave a tiny shake to her head and tossed her crumpled blanket onto the chair behind her before lifting first one foot, then the other, to slip the shoes onto her bare feet.

"Come on." He reached for her hand, shocked in part that she gave it willingly, and in part with the cold temperature of her delicate fingers. Turning towards the access panel he opened the door and led her into the hallway.

She let out a soft sigh and fell into step beside him.

She didn't ask.

So he didn't offer.


	10. Chapter 10

Silence and Jennifer was… uncomfortable. No, that wasn't quite right. It wasn't uncomfortable so much as… worrisome. Jennifer talked. She talked when she was nervous. She talked when she was excited. She talked when she was… well… pretty much anything. Ronon had heard the Earth folks describe people as wearing their heart on their sleeve… but as he walked within her silence, he realized Jennifer's heart was in her voice. Broken sentences when she was flustered. Sputters colored with the pink flush to her cheeks when she was embarrassed. Forceful orders in her infirmary when she was in command. Question after question when she was learning. Her sudden laugh when amused. Softness and smiles when relaxed.

All these things betrayed emotion.

But silence? Silence he didn't know.

Lately… even before the planet… before… everything…

She'd been so quiet.

He was dragging her halfway around the city and he hadn't even heard so much as a sigh.

Tired… explained _now_. But what about… _before_?

Before.

Before _that_ afternoon. Before McKay. She'd worked hard. Always. And sometimes too hard. Long hours in the labs. Long shifts. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he couldn't place her in large groups. He himself rarely attended the time-killing excursions the Earth people were so fond of – movie nights, games, excuses to relax. But when he had attended… he couldn't really recall ever seeing her.

As he lead her down the vacant hallways and into the underbelly of the city, it dawned on him that she spent far too much time alone. Had it always been that way? He couldn't remember… and had never noticed, if he were to be honest with himself. It wasn't something he'd ever looked for before.

Even now she was here with him, yet at the same time she wasn't present. Perhaps it was the shift in her eyes that called it out to him when he glanced at her. A spark that seemed to have faded. It was as though she'd lost the fight. Before… before she wouldn't have kept so quiet. She wouldn't have let him just lead her without question. She wouldn't have let him keep hold of her hand.

"Almost there." He assured her, giving her fingers a gentle squeeze as he led her around a corner and into a narrow, dimly lit corridor. They'd gotten close enough by transporter, but had to make several side trips down one of the access stairwells to reach the low level he sought out.

He glanced at her to see if she'd understood, and caught the tail end of her nod as she looked casually around at their surroundings. The recessed lighting set inside the ceiling, the dark metallic walls, the lack of decoration or doorways. He wondered briefly if she was even seeing what she was looking at.

When he reached the end of the corridor he slowed and stopped in front of a sealed door. Beneath the access control was a narrow keypad. He quickly punched in the command code to release the lock and stepped aside as the door slid silently aside. He felt the temperature change as the warm air gusted out through the opening. He caught her curious glance but she still said nothing.

Pulling her gently forward, he moved through the narrow opening. The lighting was low – barely enough to see your footing – so he guided her down the double step and onto the platform. Re-sealing the door with a wave of his hand, he watched her expression as her face finally showed a hint of her old self. He leaned back against the wall and waited.

With wide eyes she slipped her fingers from his and stepped across the narrow platform. "Wow…" She whispered, her body turning in every direction as she tried to see everything at once.

Ronon followed the turn of her head, trying to see it as she was seeing it.

They stood on the edge of a massive circular chasm, the tiny catwalk offering an unobstructed view of the darkness both below, and above. Looking down, you saw only black and shadow as though you were peering over the edge of a giant well - a well that was at least a hundred feet wide – with no trace of anything below. Looking up was just as spectacular, if not more so, for hanging high above their heads, dangling over the middle of the giant chasm, hung the bottom end of a massive, triangular crystal.

Pointed down, it looked like a giant piece of ice hanging from the belly of the city. It was lit from the inside with a faint golden light, casting a bare glow against the walls around them.

Jennifer reached forward, her fingers gripping the railing as she peered over the edge, then lifted her head once again to stare upwards.

"Where are we?" She whispered.

"Bottom of the star drive." He answered, stepping up beside her, leaning his arms along the thick railing.

"It's warm in here…" She said softly, turning her head towards him briefly before resuming her attempt to see everything. "How can it be warm? It's so… big? We must be a mile under water… It should be freezing…"

"Zelenka said something about thermal dynamics and I left it at that." He snorted. "It's colder on the lower levels. We're closer to the drive so it's warmer."

"Why is it glowing?"

"Apparently that's what it does when its in… standby." He shrugged.

"How did you know it was here?"

"Paintball." He shrugged, glancing sideways at her.

She turned her head, her eyes slow to follow. She blinked and looked up at him. "Paintball?"

"Gotta play somewhere." He lifted the corner of his mouth, glad to see life returning to her eyes, even if there was a wariness and weariness still lurking behind.

She shook her head with a soft snort. Hunching over she angled her feet back and rested her upper body across her folded arms, which rested against the railing. "It's so quiet…" She sighed and closed her eyes.

Ronon held still, listening to her slow, steady breathing, and the faint hum of the drive high above their head.

After a few minutes she straightened, and looked at him, her expression hopeful. "Can we stay… for… for just a little while?"

"As long as you like." He offered quietly.

She nodded briefly then turned away, moving to sit on the top step near the door. Propping her elbows onto her knees, she rested her chin on her palms and stared up at the drive.

"It's like a giant stalactite…"

"Stalactite?" He leaned back against the railing and crossed his arms.

She nodded. "Those big rocks that form in caves… like… a giant icicle?"

"Ah." He nodded. "I guess it does."

She smirked and closed her eyes, letting out a hum of contentment. Curling her knuckles in against her lips, she blinked her eyes open and tilted her head, staring across the platform at him.

"What?" He finally asked.

Even in the faint golden light of the drive he could see the color change in her cheeks, which were half hidden behind her hands.

"Just… thank you?" She finally managed before her eyes pulled away to stare down at her hands. "I'm sorry… you…" She let out an exasperated sigh. "You wanted to talk… to me?"

"It can wait."

"No…" She shook her head, glancing quickly up at him before looking away. "If you don't…" She snorted, and swallowed, then licked her lips. "Never mind."

He angled his head. "If I don't… what?"

She stared at her knees.

"If I don't…?" He prompted.

"Nothing." She shook her head, propping her chin in her left palm and rubbing her temple with her right index finger.

"If I don't… what?" He repeated.

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. Taking a deep breath she exhaled slowly, pulling her knees in tighter against her chest. "If you don't… If you don't tell me now… you never will. You're here… talking to me now… but if you leave… you won't come back. So… just… tell me."

At her soft admission he found himself moving, his body lowering until he was seated on her right on the step. He kept as much distance as he could, but the step wasn't that wide to begin with. "Why wouldn't I come back?" He asked, genuinely concerned over her answer.

She hunched her shoulders in on herself, then pushed herself up, moving to stand. He reached for her hand, gripping her chilled fingers tightly as he pulled her back onto the step. He felt her tense beside him as she stared at their hands.

"Because you don't." She whispered. "Not any more."

"I'm here now?" He frowned, confused.

"Only because you want to yell at me." She snorted, trying to pull her hand away.

"Why would I yell at you?" He held on to her fingers tightly.

Her body jerked as she turned towards him, her right knee banging into his left thigh with her abrupt spin. "Why? Why? For… for… nearly killing you because of that… stupid machine? For everything… everything you had to see? God it's…"

She trailed off and rubbed her temple with her free hand, squeezing her eyes closed but not before he caught a glimpse of the moisture building. She opened them, blinking, and turned her face away, wobbling her head back and forth, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth while she snorted. "It's twisted enough in my own head, I can't imagine what you must think of m… think of it all… on top of everything else…"

"What else?"

She kept her face averted, gnawing on her lower lip.

The silence stretched so he snatched for the other opening she'd left him. "Are they always like that? Your... dreams?"

She shrugged then dropped her chin, her fingers twitching against his. "Yeah. Lately anyway."

"Why?"

When she didn't answer that question either, he tried a different angle. "I understand Wraith…" He paused, thinking of the other nightmares he'd been present for. "But the rest… The blood lake?" He angled his head towards her, dropping his chin, trying to see her face. He shook his head slowly. "Even _I_ wouldn't have thought up that one."

He was pleased to see a slight smile – even if it was only half given before she hid behind her left hand.

"I'm pretty sure that's an original." She said, pursing her lips. Then she glanced sideways at him, her eyes searching his face before dropping to his hand, which still held hers tightly.

"You know the strange part about that?" She asked softly.

He shook his head. "Stranger than drowning in blood?"

She snorted. "I can't even swim."

Ronon raised an eyebrow. "What?"

This time she actually laughed. It was soft and short, but still a laugh. He watched the indecision crossing her face, then she gave her head a slow shake, and her resolve broke with a long, drawn out sigh. She straightened her spine, leaning slowly back against the door behind her. Her hair clip clanked against the metal frame and she reached up with her left hand and yanked it out, sending her hair spilling messily down around her shoulders. He had to restrain himself from trying to touch it – the urge to see if it truly was as soft as it looked nearly knocking him off the step.

She attached the clip to the hem of her shirt and scratched her scalp, fluffing her hair before reclining into the recessed doorway. The soft sent of vanilla suddenly floated around him and he inhaled sharply. She rolled her head back and forth against the cold metal. The fist she'd been making against his palm finally relaxed and he slowly released his strangle hold – but she didn't pull her hand away.

"I can't swim." She stared up at the base of the star drive, and he could see the reflection of the light in her eyes. "Not a stroke. Sink like a stone."

Ronon slowly shifted his weight, bringing his back in against the doorway. His shoulder brushed hers but she didn't move away… so neither did he.

"Floating city? Atlantis?" He made a face, and looked up into the cavernous ceiling, thinking about how far below the surface they currently were. "Didn't raise any warnings you might wanted to have learned by now?"

She shook her head. "Not really. My cousin Maybrit lives in Manhattan and she can't swim either."

Ronon glanced at her, knowing there was an Earth connection that statement somewhere he was missing.

"But I did consider asking someone…" She continued. "After what happened when you came out of the gate under that lake…"

He nodded a silent agreement, immediately picturing the route she followed when she ran out onto the piers. Or at least the route she used to take. He shook off the distraction and filed it for later.

"What about the next one?"

"The next one?" She glanced at him, her brow furrowed.

"Your staff turning into Wraith?" He glanced sideways at her, forcing his body to relax as he flashed on the vividness of the Ari's replication.

Jennifer didn't react in the way he expected. Instead of a shudder, or a grimace, or any indication that she would be upset with the reminder… She simply laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Oh _that_." She snorted and waved her hand dismissively. "I've had that dream since the first time I saw a real Wraith." She shrugged and made a face. "It's always someone different on the table…" She stated matter-of-factly. "But the outcome's always the same. I get eaten. I wake up screaming. Same old, same old."

"You wake up screaming." He repeated, not liking her casual tone.

"Usually happens with nightmares." She glanced sideways at him. "What, you don't?"

"I…" He hesitated, not willing to admit he damn well woke up screaming – especially when he thought of Sateda. Or his old friends. Or Melina. Or any of the hundreds of faces he carried inside of the one's he'd lost. He pushed the images away before they had a chance to take hold. "It's not me we're talking about."

Her fingers jerked out from beneath his as she snatched her hand back. Ronon cursed silently, instantly understanding his mistake. It had not been the right thing to say. She'd been opening up to him, but her expression was once again tightly closed.

"No." She stared at him, the sadness seeping back into her hazel eyes as she pushed herself up off the step. "It's not you, is it."

"Jennifer, wait." He grasped her wrist, holding loosely, but firmly. He kept his lowered position seated on the step, turning his face upwards towards hers.

She stared out across the lip of the balcony into the abyss, her body stiff, her trapped arm outstretched as she refused to back towards him. "We should go…"

"Please." He said simply.

"Why?" She whispered. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because I want to know. I… want to understand."

"Why?" She asked again. "Why do you care? After everything…" Her voice cracked and she turned her face further away. "Why do you care?"

"Because I do."


	11. Chapter 11

With her face shadowed in the light from the star drive high above her head, Jennifer turned slowly around to face him. Ronon knew from the angle of her chin that she was staring down at him, so he didn't move, choosing to remain seated on the step beneath the doorway. He could feel the scattered beat of her pulse beneath his fingertips, which still loosely gripped her wrist. Her silence was beginning to unnerve him so he spoke first.

"Please?" He asked.

Beneath his fingers her pulse increased in strength until it was almost jumping from her skin to his. He almost released her, but his concern overrode the jerked response and he continued to hold her wrist. It was lose enough she could break away if she wanted, yet she didn't. Instead she simply stood frozen in front of him, staring down, her heart pounding.

When she finally started to move he released her arm in anticipation of her backing away. Yet she surprised him by stepping forward and lowering herself onto the step beside him. He glanced over his shoulder as she pulled her legs against her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around her knees, making herself as small as possible in the limited space – wedged between him and the doorway.

He leaned forward, giving her room behind him should she feel she needed it. Turning his face forward, he pretended to be interested in the bottom of the massive glowing icicle hanging high out over the chasm.

"What do you want to know." She finally asked, her sigh sounding of defeat.

Ronon didn't want her defeated – he wanted her willing to speak to him - but at this point he wasn't going to get the information any other way. He let go of the hurt it caused knowing she was only talking to him because he forced the issue, and concentrated on finding the answers.

"Tell me about the dreams." He said simply, staring blindly up at the bottom of the star drive.

"What do you remember?" She asked, her voice soft.

"Everything." He shrugged.

"What was it like in there for you?"

"It was real. It felt… as though it were an actual place."

She made a soft _hmm_ in agreement. "They're not always like that, you know." She added. "I think that machine… just liked the bad ones."

"It was built to help people analyze their dreams." He offered, thinking it would make sense that the Ari would have looked to the bad ones first. And with nightmares like hers…

"Yeah well if I wanted them analyzed, I'd buy the book." She snorted softly.

"You said you dream about your staff turning into Wraith all the time…" He prompted, when she didn't immediately continue.

"I do." She answered. "And I also have nightmares about being attacked by thousands of tiny spiders, falling off the storage tower on the south-east pier, being buried alive, walking through the gate and ending up in space, going camping and being attacked by an axe-wielding version of hybrid-Michael, losing all my teeth, and being left alone in the woods."

With each admission Ronon couldn't help but turn himself slowly around to face her. With a quick shake to his head, he digested her words as she continued to stare at him, her eyes wide and face serious as she rested her chin on her tightly-gripped knees.

"You do." He asked, taking her short shoulder-lifted shrug as confirmation.

"Do you have any _normal_ dreams?" He asked, unable to believe that was all she could possibly have bouncing around inside her head.

"Define normal…"

"One where someone or something _isn't_ trying to… harm you?"

She snorted. "Of course. Just because I shock myself awake on a regular basis doesn't make me crazy."

"Hmm." He answered with a slight shake to his head, as he turned himself around, returning to his previous position, and looking forward. "So blood and Wraith…" He voiced aloud then angled his head to the side. "Understandable."

She made a soft sound of agreement, but didn't otherwise comment.

"The people at the house…" He then asked, remembering the next scene in her dreamscape. The friendly smiling faces of her relatives who's thoughts were anything but nice.

She inhaled slowly, then exhaled with a sad sigh. "You remember when I told you I never really fit in?"

Ronon nodded, thinking back all those months to their conversation in the infirmary the day of the lockdown. She'd told him she'd never felt as though she'd ever belonged anywhere.

"I never did, you know." She said softly. "I wasn't making that up. If I… tried to have a friend my own age, I was trying to show them up. I couldn't hang out with older kids because… because I wasn't old enough to go anywhere with them… and they sure as hell didn't want to hang out with some kid 5 years younger. It's hard to get a birthday party invitation, you know… when everyone's parents think you're just a stuck-up snot who's too big for her britches. Unless it's the sympathy invite, you know… and then… well… then you're only invited because they feel sorry for you… or they think you're some kind of freak… so they make you do parlor tricks like answer math and trivia questions… and spell impossibly scientific words… just so they can laugh at how abnormal you are… then you hear them thank god that their kids aren't a freak like you. Sometimes all you want is to be stupid and normal and just… have friends."

Ronon could hear the bitterness and scorn in her voice as she relived the pain. He'd always known the scientists were a breed apart. They had their own language, their own mannerisms, practically their own culture, which would have come from being forced to form their own faction of society. They cloistered around themselves, safe within the invisible walls of their own kind.

He knew they were routinely ridiculed by the majority here – usually by the soldiers - especially McKay, although Rodney had pretty much earned the respect of every damn member on the base so his taunting came with a healthy understanding that the man had saved their ass more than once. But the others…? It had never occurred to him, until just now, that Jennifer would be one of them. He didn't want to think of all the things people said about McKay or Zelenka, or any of the other lab rats... the teasing… jests… Hell, he'd even said them himself. But to her? About her?

The thought of her being pushed away simply for being smarter… seemed so incredibly useless… harmful… painful… and a host of other words that could only be used to describe the way the Earth people regarded those they considered different. For such a technically advanced society, most of them had the people skills of a tree stump. It amazed him some days they'd survived at all…

But Jennifer's personality, her profession, pulled her out into the social spotlight so much more.

But was it truly _her_ they'd all been seeing these past years?

Or just a picture of who she thought they wanted her to be?

He straightened and sat back against the doorway, blinking with the realization of what her admission was telling him.

Was the face she showed the one she truly wore? Or was it only a mask, put there to show she belonged? He recalled the differences he'd first seen when they were in the infirmary quarantine. They way her hands couldn't stay idle. Her half smile. She'd spoken so softly around him, so hesitant. Shy and reserved. It went against the normally forceful personality he'd always seen when she dealt with him – when she dealt with any of them. He'd thought her change of demeanor had been the effect of being confined alone with _him_… but what if… what if it wasn't?

What if he'd finally been given a glimpse of her true self? The woman who lived alone with such nightmares?

"Stephanie Bowman really did throw me into the old quarry." She suddenly admitted, breaking into his thoughts. Her voice was slightly muffled as she spoke against her kneecaps, shoulders hunched as she shook her head slowly back and forth. "I offered to help Julian with his Chemistry assignment since he was having trouble. She thought I was trying to show her up – saying she was too stupid to help him with his assignment."

She tipped her head to the side, resting her cheek against her knees, and glanced over her shoulder to where he was sitting against the doorway, his mind still reeling.

"I didn't." She said quickly, her face shadowed beneath the fall of her hair. "Think that about her."

"You wouldn't." Ronon answered, sensing her need for assurance. He could hear the question in her voice, a soft plea for his understanding. "It's not in you."

She stared at him, the silence stretching out with awkwardness before she spoke again.

"They just left me there." She turned her face away. "I sat there wet, and freezing cold, aching everywhere, being eaten alive by mosquitoes the size of Texas, terrified of being dinner for some kind of horrible swamp monster, _praying_ Stephanie wasn't going to come back and finish me off…" She shook her head slowly and straightened, flopping back into the recessed doorway beside him. Leaning her head against the wall to her left, she cursed softly. "I was sixteen for god's sake… I was stuck down there for six hours until it was light enough to see a way out. All because I offered to help a guy with his homework." She rolled her head against the cold metal wall. "And people wonder why I hate the _great outdoors_."

As they sat side by side, staring out across the balcony, the distant hum of the machinery high above was the only other sound beside their tandem breathing. He could feel her slowly relaxing her posture, with each breath, with each non-movement he made, she slowly straightened until she was no longer trying to hide herself against the far wall.

Nightmares and dreams. Swimming in blood and being attacked by Wraith. Scathing thoughts from people who were supposed to be your family. Children who would hurt others simply for being different. The images flowed together now, locking into place against what he knew… leaving only the final hole.

The last dream.

The question he wanted to ask sat on the edge of his tongue, ready to leap off, but he wouldn't let it. The image of Ellie swam to the surface – blond ringlets and dark green eyes – and he blinked them away, forcing himself to concentrate on the sharp edges of the star drive.

"Ronon?" Jennifer whispered behind him, and he turned, surprised to notice he'd leaned forward.

She stared at him, her features barely visible in the dim lighting. Yet even with such little illumination, he saw the worry and fear in her eyes, the hitch in her breath as she struggled to keep her lungs working at a steady pace, the twisting of her fingers. She'd offered him the opening – and they both knew exactly what it was she was talking about. He knew she was terrified of the answer. Just as he knew she'd give him the truth if he would but ask.

"Why?" He managed to speak before an uncharacteristic panic of his own welled up and shut him down. _Why is that your nightmare? Why did you dream it? Why did you run away from it? Why did you push me away? Why would you sacrifice it all… Why?_

She smiled sadly, her eyes bright beneath added moisture.

"Because it hurts."

"What hurts?"

She looked away, her throat working as she swallowed hard, her eyes blinking furiously. She reached up with her index finger as though to remove a speck of dust from her eye, but he knew it was a tear she pulled away. She pushed herself forward, moving to stand and this time he let her – but followed – rising up off the step with her.

She moved to the balcony, gripping the railing with such force that even in the dim lighting he could see the whiteness creeping out across her knuckles. He stood beside her, and with a deep breath, he leapt over the hidden barrier inside his mind and placed his left hand lightly over her right.

Her skin was still so cold beneath his palm, and he inhaled sharply.

Yet she didn't pull away.

"What hurts?" He asked again, angling his body so he could see her profile beneath her fallen bangs as she stared down at his hand covering hers.

Her fingers moved slightly - slowly lifting - her small, pale knuckles appearing between his larger, darker ones. She curled her fingers down across his, and he hooked his fingers between hers, locking their hands together.

"Being close enough to touch…" She finally answered, her voice a cracked whisper.

Ronon exhaled, then shook his head. "I don't understand."

"I know." She admitted softly. "I'm sorry… I don't know how to… to… put it into words…"

"Try." He urged.

When she finally turned her face towards his, he was so taken aback by the sadness he saw reflected there, he physically winced. She flinched at his response and dropped her gaze to the abyss below, hiding her face behind the fall of her hair. Ronon secured his grip around her fingers, keeping her beside him, silently willing her to tell him why she was in such pain.

"Jennifer…" He began, then stopped, unsure of how to convince her to trust him. He knew she used to… trust him implicitly. But now… Now… time had passed.

He felt her fingers tense against his a fraction before she answered.

"I miss you." She confessed to the railing, her voice barely audible. Then she let out a squeak and slapped her hand over her mouth, pulling back to stare up at him. "Ohmygod… I said that out loud… oh I'm sorry…" she exclaimed, her words mumbled behind her hand as she stepped away, frantically twisting her wrist, trying to pull her hand away from his.

Ronon didn't have to look to know her face would be seven shades of scarlet – but he did look – then straightened quickly to see her wide eyed, horrified expression. _She missed him? What the hell did that mean? Missed him… how? Why? He hadn't gone anywhere?_ He snapped his fingers together when she tried to yank her hand away, her head shaking frantically back and forth.

"Jennifer…" Taking one step forward for each step she took backwards, he followed her until she bumped against the far wall. "I haven't gone… anywhere." He shook his head with confusion.

With no other place to retreat to, she finally lowered her free hand from her mouth, but only so far as to plaster it against the base of her throat. "I just meant…" She blurted out, dropping her chin to stare down the front of her body. "I mean… I didn't mean… I'm sorry…"

"Why are you sor-" He snapped his mouth shut, swallowed, then tried again. "Jennifer... I'm not going anywhere."

"Not like that…" She snorted sadly and shrugged her already hunched shoulders, her hair swinging side to side as she shook her head.

"Then… what?" He stared down at the top of her head, refusing to back away.

She didn't answer, simply stood in front of him, her forehead practically touching his chest, her hand hanging limply in the air, supported only by the pressure of his fingers.

He waited, unmoving, until he heard an unmistakable sniff.

With a soft groan he moved forward, releasing her hand in order to free himself to wrap his arms around her. "Hey…" He whispered against her hair, as she slowly released her stiff posture and clamped her arms around his torso. Her fingers twisted in the material of his shirt knotting it against his lower back.

"This…" She mumbled into his chest. "I missed this. So much. It hurts."


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Sorry this took so long to post! Life's been busy! :P - Nika**

* * *

In the darkness of the corner of the balcony, Ronon stood with his arms around Jennifer, wondering how someone so small could carry so much inside. She barely reached his chin, yet he knew the hands that were currently tying the back of his shirt in a nervous, twisted knot held the strength of many men in skill alone.

She'd thrown him with her explanations, and then left him completely confounded by her momentous confession that she missed him. He almost shook his head with disbelief - the volume of questions he had were being toppled under the amount of answers he was getting. At this rate it was going to take weeks just to get back around to why he'd brought her here in the first place.

He tilted his head, inhaling the soft scent of vanilla and soap, and closed his eyes, mentally blocking the feel of her stretched up against the front of his body.

Then he suddenly snapped his eyes open at the clarity of the thought that she _fit_. Somehow, in the way she stood, leaned, held, she managed to place her entire front against his. Legs, stomach, torso, chest, cheek. There was little space left uncovered between them. She fit her soft curves into his harder planed angles like a pre-formed part.

Ronon adjusted his arms slightly, not wanting to believe it. He felt her breath catch at his movement and silently cursed himself as she released her strangle hold on the back of his shirt and lowered her arms.

He let go slowly. Reluctantly. But he didn't move away.

She leaned back until she was resting against the wall. Slowly lifting her head, she glanced up at him, her eyes once again clear of the tears, but sadness still floated behind the wall of brave indifference she was trying hard to build.

"Do you remember the last time you came to see me?" She asked quietly, her eyes shifting to stare at a spot somewhere above his right shoulder. "Without a reason?"

Ronon blinked, his mind searching for the last time he'd seen her.

She didn't wait for his answer, instead shifted her eyes to his briefly with a sad smile before she looked away again. "Almost two months ago at Marie's birthday party."

Ronon frowned, knowing her timeline was impossibly incorrect. Although he did remember the party.

And the dress she'd been wearing.

Short skirted and pale blue… with thin strings running up over her bare shoulders to hold the top half in place… shoes that were mostly straps of leather on tall heels that made her legs look incredibly long.

He definitely remembered _that_ time because he hadn't been able to _stop _himself from speaking to her. Even if it was only for a short moment. But after that… well… he'd certainly seen her many times.

"With_out_ a reason, Ronon." She repeated. "No medical. No debriefing. No mission status."

He remained silent, trying to think of an answer. Really hoping he was going to remember something because if he couldn't… No there was no way he'd gone that long. There had to be something…

She shook her head and lifted her chin, her gaze as direct as her question. "Why did you agree to help Major Buchannan the other day?"

Ronon inhaled slowly, a dozen different answers popping into his head before he finally settled on the pure truth. "You threw me."

She angled her head, small lines appearing in her forehead as she regarded him with confusion. Giving her head a quick shake she frowned. "Threw you?"

"The look you gave me."

"Look."

"When I said hi." He watched her eyes widen as he explained. "You looked… shocked."

"I was shocked!"

"Why?"

"Why!? Because you hadn't spoken to me in two months and then out of nowhere I get a… a… smile and a _mornin' Doc_? Damn right I was shocked."

"I hasn't been two months." He frowned slightly, still unable to think of any specific incident. There had to be something…

Jennifer inhaled slowly and closed her eyes with a shake to her head. "Fine." She stepped to the side, moving around him.

"You were dating McKay." He blurted out, then scrunched his face as he realized his mistake.

She stopped mid stride, then stumbled slightly as she brought her feet back together. Turning towards him, her mouth pursed into a slight scowl. "_Was_ dating. Was. Past tense." She shook her head quickly and hunched her shoulders. "I thought you were my friend." Her voice was hurt and bitter, her expression angry and pained.

He took a step forward, bringing himself closer to her personal space, but she didn't back down. "I am your friend."

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes. "Friends talk. Friends stop by to see how you're doing. Friends hang out. Friends… see each other. And don't you dare try to give me that dating Rodney excuse. I haven't been _dating Rodney_ in almost four months." She accented by poking him hard in the chest with her index finger.

Even in the dim lighting Ronon could see the emotions clouding her eyes as she glared up at him. She was building up, and he was pretty sure the crash was going to be long and hard. He just wasn't sure who was going to be doing the crashing when she dropped her hands to her hips in preparation of a good yelling.

"I'm sorry." She shook her head fiercely, her eyes getting brighter as she picked up speed. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. And I'm sorry that I made you angry. And I'm sorry that you felt it necessary to come along with Major Buchannan just because I looked at you funny. But I am _not_ sorry that I dated Rodney… because even after everything… he still talks to me!"

"Jennifer…" He began, wanting only to explain, but she cut him off with a sharp poke to the chest.

"Don't!" She ordered.

Ronon watched with confusion and concern as she froze mid motion, then slowly closed her eyes and tilted her head way back, letting her arm fall limply to her side. She lifted her left hand and covered her closed eyes. Sliding her hand down her face she covered her mouth and let out a muffled curse. Dropping her face towards the floor, she shook her head and turned, sinking down onto the step just behind her.

"Jennifer?" He stepped forward.

"Well that didn't take long." She propped her elbows onto her knees and buried her face in her palms.

"What…?" Ronon squatted on the ground in front of her, gently pulling her hands away from her face. He slid his hands to her upper arms and gripped firmly. "What's wrong? Are you sick?"

She opened her eyes and shook her head, an exasperated smile playing across the corners of her mouth. "Ten minutes." She said softly. "Ten minutes and you've already turned me into a raving lunatic."

He raised an eyebrow, and angled his head, sliding around to sit beside her on the step. "What's wrong?" He asked, completely confused.

"Nothing." She snorted, tilting her head back and staring up into the bottom of the star drive. She lowered her chin slowly and glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Just you."

"Me."

She nodded, then slapped her palms onto her knees and shoved herself up off the step. "You." She said, starting to pace side to side across the short balcony. ""You make me crazy. Absolutely insane. Ten minutes. Ten minutes and I've lost it again."

Ronon wasn't really sure if she was talking to him… or herself… so he held still, trying to piece together the fragments into what he hoped was a coherent explanation. Her words were clipped, accented with the sharp swing of her hands as she took several steps in one direction, then spun and repeated the motion in the other direction.

"Stuttering. Talking to myself. Walking into walls. Dropping things. Forgetting how to string a coherent thought together. It's all good, right? Sparring lessons! Yeah that was brilliant. And hey – who knew I'd actually be starting to get the hang of it! And shooting Wraith with a P90? Yup. Sounds like something I'd do. Arguing. Arguing is interesting. I don't argue! I don't yell!" She practically shouted. "Yet apparently I do!" She stopped and turned to face him, her hands propped on her hips, her elbows jutting to the side as she glared at him. "And it's all your fault!"

Ronon blinked, hoping she was going to elaborate because at the moment he wasn't really sure _what_ was his fault.

"And don't you even start with that Rodney's from Earth crap!" She pointed at him, then returned her hand to her hip. "I can't believe you'd think so little of me that I'd date someone over something as stupid as _location_."

Ronon raised an eyebrow at her leap in topic, knowing damn well he hadn't said anything to the fact. Yet the niggling guilt worming its way up through his abdomen told him she'd gotten a little too close to one of the truths.

"Did it ever occur to you that I liked Rodney?!" She stared hard at him. "I did. I honestly did! But then… then…" Her voice dropped. "Then…" She shook her head slowly, the anger leaving her body in place of resignation. "Then it all changed."

He held his breath, waiting for her to elaborate. Hoping she wasn't going to leave it there.

"I changed." Jennifer finally admitted, her voice barely a whisper. She turned towards the edge of the balcony and dropped her hands onto the railing, gripping it tightly as she tipped her head back to stare up at the bottom of the star drive.

Ronon stood and moved to stand beside her, catching her whispered confession.

"I guess I missed her, too." She snorted softly.

"Who?"

"The other Jennifer." She turned her head and smiled sadly up at him before looking away. "The one who… who took sparring lessons… got flustered… argued just for the fun of arguing… drank with the Marines… the one who went off world…" She lowered her head and took a long, slow breath.

"Jennifer." Ronon finally found his voice. "You're still you." He tried, not sure if anything he could say was going to make sense of any of this.

"No." She shook her head sadly, staring blindly into the abyss below. "_She _left when you did."

Ronon recognized the circle the conversation had taken, and almost… almost… believed he was grasping what she was trying to say. At a sudden tightening in his chest he jerked with the realization of what he'd been struggling with since her rounded argument started.

_She'd missed him._

Him.

Before.

And after.

Not Rodney.

Him.

Her dream words came back with a vengeance and he turned his head slowly to face her. _I love you Ronon Dex. I always have._

"Tell me about the last dream." He asked softly, his hand once again covering hers as she strangled the balcony.

Jennifer's fingers tensed beneath his, but her hand remained. She inhaled, then exhaled through her nose with a long, slow breath. "Dreams." She said softly, shifting her weight and slumping down against the railing. "Every little girl dreams of knights and white horses. Castles and fairytales. Then we grow up." She snorted sadly. "And it's careers and money. Success and stardom. But somehow, it may disappear for a while, but it never really goes away."

She shook her head slowly. "Knights and castles become families and babies. And the lucky ones… the truly lucky ones… find it for real. But most of us spend our lives looking… wanting… hoping for the chance to just reach out and touch it… even if it's only for a brief fleeting moment. Just to prove it exists. And some of us…" She took a deep breath and held it before releasing it slowly. "Some of us get to touch it only when we sleep. Because… because it's the only chance we'll ever have."

The knot in Ronon's chest was hard and tight, strangling his lungs as he listened to her explanation. He didn't need a machine to tell him the truth now. She dreamed of him. Of his child. And losing him was her nightmare. A nightmare she'd been living – for real – for months.

She loved him.

And he'd almost lost her.

Lost her – and would never have known.

She shrugged again, and shook her head, her voice dropping even further. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" He finally managed to croak out.

"For… everything. Anything. Whatever you need me to be sorry for."

Ronon felt a sudden, cold spark against the back of his hand and glanced down at the tiny teardrop escaping down the side of his wrist.

With a deep breath he pulled her away from the railing and wrapped himself around her, giving her no choice but to stand against him, with him. Sliding his cheek across the silkiness of her hair, he rested the side of his face against the top of her head. "Jennifer." He spoke against the vanilla scented softness, the ache in his heart swelling with the feel of her arms slipping around his waist.

"I didn't know." She confessed against the front of his shirt.

"Know what?"

"How much it would hurt…" She whispered.

"What would?"

"I liked him… you know? I really did… do… but then… then you were gone… and… and it all started to fall apart." She let out a soft snort.

He held her tightly, waiting.

"I want it back." She admitted softly. "I want _her_ back. I want to look forward to working midnights because you're going to need me to patch you up after some stupid session with John. I want to be… startled… when you sneak up behind me. I want to take sparring lessons again. I want the early morning runs out to the east pier so you can pretend to let me catch my breath while watching the sun comes up. I want you to bring me random bits of food because you know I don't remember to eat when I'm working. I want to feel safe when I go off world because you're there and you're not going to let anything happen. I want you to talk to me again. I want to be able to… touch you. I want to feel warm again. I want my shadow back. I want it all back. I want _you_ back. " She slipped her arms away from the small of his back and set them lightly against the side of his waist, her forehead resting against the side of his chin. "I love _you _Ronon." Her shaky breath teased the skin at the base of his throat. "I always have."

Ronon inhaled slowly, her words filling him with warmth. Flowing through him, over him, around him like a heated liquid. She had seen. She did know. She had realized what he was doing. And she'd noticed when it was gone. When he was gone. She missed him.

He _hadn't_ lost her.

Nor she him.

They'd just… misplaced each other.

And now… now… somehow… through some fated twist of the Ancestors… they'd circled back to the beginning.

He straightened and reached for her upper arms angling himself away so he could better see her face.

"Tell me it's not to late?" She pleaded, slow to look, her hazel eyes wide with fear over her now exposed heart, her expression filled with dread as she waited for what he knew she expected to hear.

Ronon stared, awestruck at the inner strength it took for her to rip herself open to him, to admit everything. To tear her heart into pieces and throw it up into the air in hopes that someone would catch it. That _he _would catch it. It was a strength he didn't have - he hadn't had. For if he had... then maybe...

"We can't go back." He shook his head slowly, watching the tension shifting across her body as she registered his words. He knew exactly what she thought because the look of raw pain was so strong in her eyes he felt his heart shifting slightly to know he'd put it there - even if only for a brief moment. She slowly dropped her hands away from his hips. He gave her a gentle shake, pulling her focus back up to his face. "But we _can_ go forward." He finished.

Ronon waited for her to digest it, his hands lightly gripping her upper arms, her petite frame holding in a mass of tension and emotion while she struggled to grasp the meaning of his words. He saw it in her eyes first – even in the dim lighting from high above their heads – he couldn't miss the flash of hope that suddenly kicked out the darkness and despair in the hazel depths.

"Forward?" She mouthed, the word barely louder than her breath. Her body trembled beneath his palms as the fear and tension slowly released her from it's stranglehold.

"Forward." He repeated, sliding his hands slowly up her shoulders to cup her cheeks. He tilted her head slowly back, his thumb grazing lightly along the side of her jaw as he stared down into her face, his mouth hovering inches from hers.

She let out a small gasp and parted her lips, her eyes searching his. Her hands lifted slowly, her palms tentatively hovering just above his waist, her mind afraid to make the final connection.

So he made it for her.

And lowered his head.


	13. Chapter 13

The press of her lips was tentative – hesitant to believe. He could taste her worry, her fear, the light trace of salt from her tears. He held back, his body a hair's breadth from hers, unmoving except for his mouth while he waited for her accept that the moment was real. The air around them seemed to thicken with anticipation, heavy and charged, as though Atlantis herself held her Ancient breath in anticipation.

Ronon knew the exact instant her mind released her heart for it was like being encircled by a fierce wind while you stood untouched in the middle. The world shifted and changed, sparking and crackling with heat and electricity. Fire and passion flowed out through her mouth as she truly accepted his answer. Her curves locked against his when she fell forward, the cool press of her palms against the back of his neck making him shiver as she stretched to lift herself higher, to push further, to take everything. His tongue twisted with hers, fighting for dominance in a heated battle.

Slipping one arm around her waist, and the other under her hips he lifted her effortlessly, exhaling sharply as she immediately locked her legs around his waist, opening herself completely. Taking two steps back he dropped onto the step, with Jennifer plastered against him. Heat scoured his groin when she adjusted her position, her fingers twisting into his dreads. The low keening noise she exhaled triggered an answering growl from somewhere deep within him. It vibrated up through his torso, and she shuddered, pressing closer, pushing him for more.

It was ultimately her need for air that finally drove them apart.

With her heat scorching his swollen groin, she leaned her upper body back, haloed in light from above like an ethereal spirit. Ronon could feel the slamming beat of her heart against his palms, which were splayed against her back. Her body shook with the effort of concentrated breathing. He could hear the pounding of his own heart rushing past his ears while he fought to get himself under control. It had been a long time since he'd lost himself this quickly.

When she trembled again he urged her closer, exhaling slowly as she wrapped herself around him again, but this time with a tentative gentleness.

"Okay." She whispered, the warmth of her breath a startling contrast with the chill of her hands that clung in desperation around his neck. "That was… I don't… I'm not usually… I don't know what… what I… Oh dear…"

"Jennifer…" He exhaled, counting down from ten while he concentrated on evening out his breathing, and trying very, very hard not to notice how good she felt against him… her incredibly intimate position, the restrictive barrier of their clothes, the sent of her hair so close beneath his nose, the softness of her body as she shifted nervously, afraid to let him go.

"Yes?" She answered hesitantly, a slight tremble in her voice matching the shiver she fought to contain.

"Cold?" He slipped his arms further around her. He leaned back, propping himself up against the closed door.

"No?" She squeaked, her knees releasing their pressure on the side of his hips as she tried to worm her way off his lap. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or not when her nervously adjusted position moved the crux of her legs off his groin. She dropped her feet down beside his, lifted her hips and half squatted over his legs, her hands resting on his shoulders while she tried to push herself away.

Ronon disagreed with both her answer, and her new position and yanked her back down, pulling her feet out so her rump landed on his thighs. Holding her firmly, he nuzzled the side of her neck, inhaling the softness of her scent. "You're cold."

She withdrew her hands from the side of his neck and pushed against his chest. "Sorry-"

He snatched her chilled fingers and pressed them against the open collar of his shirt, warming them between his chest and his palms.

"God you're hot." She whispered when her hands made contact.

He couldn't stop the snort when she stiffened and muttered a dejected wail. "I said that out loud, didn't I?" She frantically tugged at her fingers but he didn't release them so she settled for crumpling against him and hiding her face. "This was _not_ how this was supposed to go…" She mumbled.

"What was?"

"This." She moaned, her upper body now curled into a tight ball, her cold nose pressed against the back of his hands which still covered hers. "I was supposed to… you know… not… blurt stuff out… And I… I had a whole speech worked out… And… and… I just… have… absolutely no idea what I'm trying to say…" She trailed off.

After a moment she straightened up, her head shaking slowly side to side. He couldn't see her face, only the halo of her hair as it teased across her shoulders. Her hands slowly relaxed against his chest, her shoulders dropping with resignation. She angled her neck to the side, flipping her hair of her shoulder with a toss of her head. The pale light from above highlighted her profile and he held himself still.

"Oh, Ronon." She whispered softly, her breath leaving her lungs with a soft sigh. Her right thumb slid lightly across the bare skin of his chest and he felt his muscles contract beneath her tentative touch. "I made such a mess…"

Ronon released her hands, giving him the freedom to thread his fingers slowly through the soft silk of her hair. He settled back against the door and gently urged her to follow.

This time her kiss was softness and sunshine, filled with sadness and apology, innocence and happiness, hope and promises. So many emotions in such a simple touch. At the sudden cool taste of salt he slipped his hands up to her cheeks and brushed a tear away with his thumb.

"Hey…" He whispered, letting his hands rest against her thighs as she leaned back with an embarrassed jerk, and swiped at her cheeks with the tips of her fingers.

"I'm sorry." She half laughed. "I'm sorry. I just… there's just so much I want… to… to… say… tell you about… I'm so brain dead… I can't think… of… of anything past the fact that… that you're here… now… with me."

"I'm here." He wrapped his arms around her.

He could feel the tension in her body slipping away as they sat in silence, her breathing turning slow and relaxed, her heartbeat soft and steady beneath his palms. Ronon didn't want to cause it to rise, but there were still things he wanted to know. Needed to know before he could let it go completely.

"When did you figure out what the Ari was?" He asked softly, his tone making his intent clear. It was a question – not a demand – and she could answer only if she so chose.

She moved slowly, lifting her hips off his thighs, her fingers sliding out from behind his neck. Choosing not to restrain her, he watched as she simply shifted position and settled in beside him on the step. Her hand slipped forward, hesitantly wedging itself beneath his palm, which rested on his thigh. Small, delicate fingers threaded themselves up through his and he couldn't tear his eyes away from the contracting picture they made in the faint glow from the drive high above their heads.

"I don't know for sure." Her weight shifted and she leaned her head against his shoulder. "I mean… I knew I was dreaming, 'cause, well, I dream them all the time. But it wasn't changing."

He slouched down and lowered his shoulder, balancing his cheek against the top of her head. "Changing?"

She angled her head slightly and he looked down into her curious expression. "You don't change your dreams while you dream them? You know… decide something shouldn't work that way and so you make an adjustment then… continue on dreaming?"

He shook his head slightly.

She shrugged and gave him a half smile. "I can sometimes… not always…" She settled her head back down against his shoulder and leaned her weight more fully against his side. "Or… I wake up… you know… before the monster comes out from under the bed. But it wasn't like that. Maybe it was because it felt concrete. Like… when you pulled me out of the lake… You were… warm. Solid. _There_. And for some reason there was this… pain… in my back and my stomach. You don't dream physical pain like that."

Ronon nodded his agreement, remembering the ache between his shoulder blades during his stint inside the machine.

"I think I figured it out in the lake first." She paused. "I really thought I was going to die. But then you were there… and you're never there. Not for that part anyway..."

When she shuddered, he released her hand and settled his arm around her shoulder, shifting his torso to fit her against his side. He quickly reclaimed her fingers with his free hand and settled back against the doorframe, waiting for her to continue.

"Somewhere between the one with the Wraith and the family reunion, I had the weirdest feeling like I was in two places. Lying on a cold floor in absolute agony, but inside the dream. When I was on the floor I knew you were there… yet you were inside with me. It wasn't right. It wasn't normal. I figured it had to have something to do with those damn globes. You're not in those dreams. Those are my dreams. But you _were_ there."

"You tried to push me away."

She stiffened slightly, tipping her head to glance up at him through her fallen bangs. She shrugged, then looked away. "I thought it was a dream and tried to… rewrite it. I… I didn't want you there."

"Because of the dreams?"

"No." She shook her head slightly. "Not… I mean… Yes… but the first time was just because… because it hurt."

Ronon frowned and angled his head to try to catch a glimpse of her dimly lit features. "Because it hurt." He repeated.

Another nod, then a shrug. "I hurt. So I figured… it had to be hurting you too."

Understanding washed over him and he shook his head. She'd forced him out… not because of the content of her dreams... her nightmares… but because she was worried it was hurting him?

"What about you?" He asked, incredulous.

She shrugged. "I figured they were my dreams. You were just… stuck. Thought maybe I could… write you out." She snorted softly, and glanced up at him. "You didn't go, though."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I think I figured it out pretty quickly after that. If I could drown in a dream… would I really drown? Was it like the crystal that gave everyone nightmares? Was it trying to kill me? Could it kill me? Could it kill you?" She shook her head slowly, dropping her voice to a near whisper. "I didn't want to take that chance."

"So you tried to push me out and leave yourself in there alone?"

Her hesitation was evident by the change in her breathing, which hitched and caught, then left her lungs with a long sigh. Her fingers twitched between his and he held firmly, not releasing.

"I knew the last one was coming." She whispered. "I couldn't… I knew… know… what happens… I just…" She swallowed hard, her body twisting against his so she could see his face. "I couldn't let it happen. It's a nightmare, for goodness sake. It's not supposed to be real."

"Is it always that way?" He asked, tightening his arm around her and tucking her head beneath his chin.

Hair tickled his neck as she nodded. "Pretty much. I… have a baby. You… die in front of me… protecting me…us... And no matter how much I try to change it… I can't. I can't save you. God, Ronon, I don't think I could make it if I had to live that for real. Knowing I had the power to do something?"

Ronon felt his chest constrict at the anguish in her soft voice.

She twisted against his chest and buried her face against his shirt. "I'm sorry." She mumbled against the material. "I know it's just a bad dream… but… I couldn't let it happen. Not knowing I could stop it."

"It's okay." He whispered against the top of her head. "I understand." He inhaled slowly. "I don't like it… and I'll shoot you myself if you even _think_ of trying anything like that again… but I understand."

She snorted into his shirt. "I'll argue that point."

"Figured you would."

After a moment's pause she lifted her head and shifted back around, wedging herself in against his side. "When did you figure it out?" She glanced up at him. "That it was a machine."

"The avatar." He answered, his mind immediately filling with the image of Ellie. Bouncing blond curls and bright green eyes. "Ellie."

"Ellie?"

Ronon frowned at the questioning tone in her voice. "Yeah, Ellie. The little girl?"

Jen shook her head quickly and pushed herself up in to a straighter position on the step. "Ronon, there was no little girl there."

"There was." He argued. "Ellie. Blond hair, green eyes."

Jen shook her head slowly back and forth. "Ronon… I didn't see any little girl. Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Have you dreamed about her before?"

Ronon shook his head, his mind leaping. "No. She was there."

"I believe you."

"Ellie."

"Ellie." She repeated slowly, rolling the name with her tongue. "It's a pretty name."

"Elizabeth." He blinked. "Said it was short for Elizabeth."

"You dreamed about a little girl named Elizabeth?" Jen shrugged. "Not a big stretch considering you knew an Elizabeth."

"Not the same thing. Not my dream. She was-"

_Our daughter. _

_If Jennifer hadn't dreamed about her… thought about her… created her… then…_

_He had?_

_But how would… He couldn't have known…. It made no sense!_

Ronon cut off the thought, along with the memory of the half-sized child with the bouncing curls and the deep green eyes that stared back at him from the mirror every day since they'd returned from the planet.

"She was what?" Jen asked curiously.

He turned away from the child inside his head and focused on the woman staring back at him. He couldn't bring himself to put the numbing realization it into words so he settled on a half-truth. "She said she was part of the machine."

Jen regarded him curiously for a moment, as though knowing he wasn't giving her the full story. "Makes sense I guess." She finally answered. Then she slipped back onto the step, wedging herself between him and doorframe. After a brief moment she tried – and failed – to muffle a loud yawn.

Ronon glanced down at her, feeling his own body reacting to the lack of sleep and the withdrawal from the over abundance of adrenaline he'd experienced these past few days.

She laughed softly and covered a second yawn. "Sorry."

"You want me to take you back?" He offered.

"Hell no." She snorted, her fingers snapping up to grip his upper arm firmly. "I just got you back… You're not going anywhere."

"They might notice us missing eventually."

"Meh." She shrugged and leaned against him.

"You should get some rest."

"So should you." She retorted.

"I'm fine."

"Well, I'm fine, too."

"No, you're exhausted and stubborn. You should sleep."

She exhaled sharply and turned her face, her lips brushing the bare skin of his upper arm right below the spot where she still clutched him with the cool press of her fingers. "I'm afraid that if I _do_ go to sleep…" She whispered against his skin. "I'll wake up and this will all have been just another dream."

_Ah._

"Feels pretty real to me." He slipped his arm around her shoulder and hooked the other beneath her knees, scooping her up and depositing her onto his lap. "_You_ feel pretty real to me."

Jennifer slipped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face against him. "So what do we do now?"

"What do you want to do?"

"Stay here forever?" Her mouth teased his collarbone.

"Probably not an option." He answered, although returning to the city above was the last thing on his mind. Closing his eyes he nuzzled the top of her head, her silky hair teasing his nose with the vanilla scent.

"Ronon?"

"Hmm?"

"If this is still the Ari…" She sighed, snuggling down against him, the breath from her words blowing soft against the side of his neck. "Don't wake me up."

"Only if you promise not to try anything reckless." He smirked.

"Fine." She laughed, rising up off the step and kicking her leg over top of his, reseating herself in his lap. "I solemnly swear _not_ to try to kick you out of the next spherical dream machine that's broken and trying to kill us through my nightmares."

He raised his eyebrows. "Awfully specific…"

"Just covering my bases." She said innocently, hooking her arms in behind his neck. "How much time you figure we have before someone starts looking?"

"Hours."

"Mmm. Plenty of time, then."

"Yeah?" He found himself grinning as she inched forward until the entire front of her upper body was pressed up the length of his. He spread his hands across her back and exhaled sharply when she kissed the sensitive skin beneath his ear. "Time for what?"

"Oh… You know. Time to do stuff…" She answered. "With things."

"Ahh." He groaned when she nibbled the side of his neck, tracing kisses down to his collarbone. "Stuff with things I think I can do."

"Then by all means…" She ordered. "Do."

So he did.

.

.

.

.

END


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